A not so sane post

Saturday 

I had no plans to write it but I am writing. I don’t know why but I think this is the place where I vent out my feelings. I don’t know whether it will get published or not. If it gets published, it would be a miracle and this post will get jealousy treatment from the posts in the drafts folder. That’s the irony. I end up doing things which I either don’t like or don’t want to. It is my story since childhood but I have always improvised and now I am not able to do that even. It would be better if we don’t get into it. 

Lots of interviews. Thank God, it didn’t went upto double digits. In all of them,  I was rejected because they don’t see a designer fit for a business analyst or a data scientist role. They were all banks and some stupid start-ups.  I mean, what the fuck is wrong with you guys, just test me. May you rot in hell and your company tanks. First as an engineer, I slogged to get into UX and then as an designer, same thing for a Data Scientist role. I had the proper training and skill set but with people are people. 

Life has become a series of unending failures over the past couple of years. I have been wandering about trying to find that one great success which will help me to redeem my lost pride. Of course there are a few small things which cheer me up every now and then and make me believe that I had achieved something. But what I need is some cataclysmic event (not necessarily a disastrous one but definitely an earth-shaking one) to change the course of my life and bring me back on track. It could be getting a good job or meeting some amazing people. The only thing which helps me to maintain my faith in life is my firm belief that good things happen to good people. 

Tuesday 

I was just lying contemplating what has gone wrong in my interviews that no one is selecting me as an intern. It is the first time that a good number of companies had rejected me stating that with my design background, I might not be a Data Scientist. So you can understand, I was on verge on becoming hulk and thrashing people here and there. You don’t pay a lumpsum amount to an intern, so what the entire fuss is about. Basically, an intern is a cheap labour. So in hiring cheap labours, you don’t have the right to have pretty much high standards but I was wrong. People do have high standards. My whatsapp was muted, email accounts tabs were closed. So there was no way that I can get mails and messages from college regarding more internships news. N called me to check my mail and I did and I got selected in an advertising company. And I was so much happy, I started swearing and I swear 24*7, doesn’t matter what the situation. So normal routine calls took place. And I played games till 3am and slept because I didn’t wanted to miss India vs Sri Lanka match. The match was just awesome. Rohit Sharma’s 200 not out innings will be remembered always and it will be even tough for him to match new standards set for him by him today. 3 200+ scores in ODI sounds too good for any cricketer but he is the HIT-MAN of Indian Cricket Team so it will be fine and fun to watch further developments. 

Now back to my life. 

In a few months,  it will be time for goodbyes and farewells. I might not see these people again, ever and this thought saddens me. It is not like I like them all but I also don’t hate them. We all have different reasons to be who we are. But even then, there is no excuse for stupidity.

I am too old to make new friends now. I have been doing it for the last 25 years with great ease and have always looked forward to meeting new people and making friends. When you have studied in different educational institutions and lived in many cities , making new friends becomes detrimental to your survival. But I was always good at it. Now I am not sure whether I’ll be able to do the whole charade all over again. Judging peoples’ characters, finding the right set of people who are emotionally and mentally compatible with you, I don’t think I can do it now. Perhaps I can still do it, but I don’t have the energy or the inclination to do it. I think I have become a little too secure in my life and don’t want to leave this comfort zone.

Life seems to be following a predetermined course and I feel like a mere spectator, seeing my own life pass by. My reserve of stored optimism is slowly drying out and that is a bad thing because no matter how much I swear day in day out, I always believe that in last over, whole match can turn upside for me in a good way.  

In other news : 

Today is the last day of my freedom(or boredom or whatever else you call a state of being in limbo).  Tomorrow I take the first big step of going from IT to Media . Tomorrow I enter the world of iProspect(sister company of Dentsu Aegis Network) and start my internship . So goodbye my dear Amazon Prime and Netflix . I don’t know when we’ll meet again. The AD+Tech people are going to make me work my arse off(sorry for the profanity but if the immortal bard Shakespeare can use it, so can I). My day will begin early in the morning as I live in North Mumbai and office is in South Mumbai . After having done the usual things in the usual places(you know what I mean) I’ll catch local because 3 months cab fare will kill me. After doing my project work(I don’t even want to go into the details of that because I have no idea what I’ll be doing) till six in the evening I’ll head back home where good food, my bed and the alarm clock set for another day will be waiting for me. The vicious circle goes on.

Look at the bright side of all this(I am still trying to find that side but so far failure). So any one with a few words of wisdom or dumbness drop in a few lines. I’ll sign off with these words :

There is eternal providence even in the fall of a sparrow — Shakespeare in Hamlet. 

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