Drafted !

I want to write something new but my drafts folder is bugging me. So I thought why I shouldn’t post them all in a single post , “just the way they are “. I mean I started them with good intentions but may be I lost interest or lost my attention towards it. I suffer from low attention span which is evident from the fact that I always changes things at a higher frequency.

Note :

  1. There may be some posts which I left in mid-sentence i.e. I didn’t even completed the sentences and now I don’t recall what I was thinking when I was writing them.
  2. And then there are some posts, which are only “named”. Not even a single word in them. There contents must be deleted when I quit my notepad without saving it. And there names are very confusing to me even now. Example being “Protean”.

So lets start collating it.

Hospitals & Priorities

Conscience : So, two posts in a month?

Passivity : Yes.

Conscience : Good. Last year was the same case ?

Passivity : Yes.

Conscience : Good. Was feeling similar ?

Passivity :Hell , no .

Conscience : WHY ?

It is generally believed that birthday months are supposed to be good and nice months, right? But in mine case, it isn’t so and still 2 days are remaining so I am keeping my fingers crossed.

2 hospital visits.

  1. Minor accident/incident
  2. Stomach/food issues

And there I got struck by the “Priorities” lightening. I was wrong all along but just like a faulty watch shows the right time , two times a day, I got few things right which led me to where I am today.

So, what happened exactly ?

I had long dreamed of making it in Writing and in Games.

But exactly happened to them?

My blog post count had gone down remarkably. In 2018, I had written only 2 posts apart from this one. Those two posts would amount to 1515 words, which when converted to “words/day” would amount to roughly 6 . I am talking about dedicated writing here, so mails , docs, spec docs, product docs written by me in office or for office is not taken into consideration.

And I completed only

Ground Zero

My second innings of my career had just begun and unlike others I didn’t started it with where I was in the first innings. It is a fresh start. Let me give you a perspective of what actually happened since I completed my engineering.

2014 : Joined Cognizant.

2017 : Left Cognizant to join a cool startup at a jump of 3.5x in the salary. But as destiny has planned something else and I landed up at S P Jain to study Big Data and Visual Analytics. It wasn’t planned. It just happened due to unavoidable circumstances.

2018 : Joined iProspect as an intern in their Digital Strategy team. Three months were fun. Learned a lot there and dream of working in an ad company came true.

April 2018 : Joined as an UX Designer at Techved Consulting at a decent salary. Not that great but things can work out for sometime.

Experience(s) and Possession(s)

Yes. Many say that it is actually a one way road that whatever you posses is bound to give you an experience. It may be true but not always. To experience something, it is not necessary to own things yourself. You need things and there are lots of people out there who own things, you just have to go out and figure out a way to work with them and you will automatically experience the so called experience. I think this ideology was the basis of formation of clubs in the western world. We, Indians, still hadn’t figured out the concept of clubs as most of us are always busy in acting like mentally retarded monkeys. And the Indians who understood it, are the movers and shakers of the society and rest we are just blabbering about it. I am in the latter category. But the thing is I am there because of some reasons which some people may call selfish reasons and excuses but they aren’t. You need like-minded people if you need to achieve something in life.

But hey, enough of idealism. I haven’t done anything worth to tell you how you should be. Infact I am not even in the TedX category. I know Ted talks and they are great but TedX is, seriously, a place for self proclaimed successful people who enjoys self pleasuring means. It is not true always. There are some great TedX talks but they are only 20% and rest are just shit.

Okay, I again got deviated and indulged myself in correcting the society which is stupid because who the hell I am to talk about it.

Now the main point.

We are the generation who are born at the right time i.e. 90s . The world had just started to move from analog to digital and computer started being widely adopted. And that adoption led to the creation of new industries like Video games, hacking, microprocessor and all. The childrens of that time messed up badly with those golden opportunities. Not all. But maximum of us, did. You can ask How. Well we started focusing on owning things rather than taking experience from those.

The Disillusionment Maze

Behold first post of 2018 is coming.

Quite a strange start to 2018.

On the night of 31st December, I forgot to take my keys when I went out for usual thing and the gate got locked and 2 of my 3 flatmates were at their home in Nagpur and 1 was at some friend’s party and I had my own plans at home. Then thanks to a friendly society guard , after 3 hours , my gate was unlocked. On 1st Jan, nothing substantial took place if I don’t consider meeting my sister. On 2nd, a drama started in Mumbai. Two sections of society were at war with each other on some very stupid reason and the collateral damage was entire city. Just search for #BhimaKoregaonViolence on Twitter and you will get to know why we aren’t a developed country yet.

Thin Realities

Yes, the reality is thin and most realistically it is broken.

Not decided yet…

Shout out to the Anonymous commenter on your question that despite being sharing my post(s) to all my social media why don’t get likes and comments ; I still don’t have a solid answer but I will tell what might be the case :
People like to “like” or “comment” on the things which they find amusing and interesting. But now a days, it has changed. People like to do things which gives them social acceptance, so they follow their friends. And I don’t have many.
So this may be a reason why I don’t get “likes” and “comments”.
Another reason may be that though they like it but can’t “like/comment” as they are under a burden of their ego for some reason which I don’t know.

Framing the Past.

Yes. Framing the Past.

Nowadays we all have our social media accounts. And they all have a pretty good feature :

Remember this last few years.

Facebook has it. You just have to complete 1 year on it and you will be notified about your posts which you have updated in the past.

WordPress has it. Not entirely. But at the end of the year you will be sent a report card of the passing by year with all updates on total no of posts, total no of likes, total no of new followers and so on.

Twitter doesn’t have it. And it is a good thing as no one wants to remember their impulse rants from the past. And why nowadays Twitter is continuously going back and forth on these two categories : news and social media? Twitter is an epitome of a confused company. After all these years of it’s life, they still hadn’t figured out what they want to be? Seems like my life story.

Tumblr doesn’t have it. It is a big thing for creatives around the world. But in general masses of India, it still have to find a connection as people here are way too busy in talking to boys disguised as Angel Priya.

Google Photos has it. But it doesn’t work most of the times. And it doesn’t work on my device only.

Now it’s time for songs on my current playlist:

 

 

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Aphrodite – Venus

Wow! It’s been a long time since I wrote a blog entry. It has been a long time since I wrote anything. I am back in a full time job (which you would know if you are following this blog of mine,else what are you even doing here ?) and life has slowly slipped itself into the old routine of spending time in meetings and sitting and chatting with friends at our usual hangout places. There is one difference though, a big one. This is the first job where I am actually using “intelligence” (Yeah, most of you still consider me dumb. That’s fine, because maybe I also see you as an idiot.) and “common sense”.

In other news, I completed 9855 days on earth which is quite amusing thanks to my Hospital Resume. Maybe it is my mother’s prayer. Okay, I will not bore you with all this and let’s just jump into the main issue.

Main Thing:

Have you ever been in the presence of a woman, who is so beautiful, it hurts every time you look at her. And when words start pouring out of her mouth, every other sound in this world becomes part of a rich background musical theme which is being composed real-time (by John Williams and Hans Zimmer together) just for the two of you. When she walks into a room, every heart skips a beat and your heart stops working. You are dead even before your body hits the ground. But there is a smile on your face – the smile of contentment. You just died a very happy man – having seen the most enchanting creature on the face of this magnificent earth. Instant Nirvana!I am going to tell you this – I know two such women and I see both of them almost everyday. And each time I see them I worry about my heart – erratic heart-rate would lead to my death one of these days. There are days when I meet both of them.

It hurts! It hurts! It hurts!

Between these two women, I think I have understood the entire gamut of feminine emotions and thinking patterns (at least of the ones who make your jaw drop to the floor and your tongue to roll out like a red carpet). Though both of them have the same effect on me (and when I say me, I mean my heart), they are poles apart and screw with my mind in completely different ways.

Though both are equally gorgeous, one knows it and the other doesn’t.

The first one, let me call her Aphrodite, has probably dated a lot of losers. She is single now, but hurt and vulnerable. So, she puts on a strong front and avoids all advances. She doesn’t want to get hurt again. She knows men look at her and fantasize. So, she plays with them, tries to get her back. The foolish child wants to be in love but hates everyone who wants to be in love with her. I can understand what dear old Keats was thinking when he wrote – La belle dame sans merci – a beautiful woman with no mercy. I worry about her – engrossed all the time in work, no personal life. I have tried breaking her defences but failed.

The second one, I’ll call her Venus, does not yet know how beautiful she is. She is a little naïve and is still dating a loser who treats her miserably. She wants to break free but can’t. She can’t face the insecurity of not being in a relationship. As time will go by she’ll keep getting hurt, eventually becoming Aphrodite. I shed a tear each time I think of that.

I am trying to be a good friend to both of them – though Aphrodite keeps me at bay, where as Venus loves spending time with me. And I have a policy (a strange one, but I have adhered by it for a long time) – I never date buddies – too complicated; destroys friendships. My head hurts when I think of the whole situation. Even I don’t have the answers to everything.

 

Was there a point to all this – I am afraid not.

 

Now songs :

 

 

Decisions and their ripple effects

Okay, this is the longest I had gone without writing. Last post was in December’17. This is May’18 (which is about to end). Total gap of 4-5 months. In between this period, the only time I got reminded that I have a blog is that when I got a receipt that my domain is renewed for 1 more year.

In the meanwhile, a lot of things got changed and I didn’t have the time to inform them to near and dear ones apart from close ones. Disclosure : Close ones and “near and dear” ones can be different.

At the time of last post, I was at iProspect (interning as Digital Strategist) and that thing was about to end in coming months. And when I was asked “Will I join them full time?”, I got existential crisis. What do you do when you stand at one of the most critical crossroads of your life facing one of those decisions whose repercussions could follow you your entire life? You have panic attacks, sleepless nights and then some more. Analytics was never the plan, it happened accidently and I did well because I always do well in my exams. But do I see myself as an Analyst in next 2 years, I don’t.  And after some lengthy conversations with my mom, daily over a month, things got cleared. I will be 27 this year and I can take some risks as I don’t want to get stuck in doing  something I don’t want to , just because the pay was good. You don’t want to live a life at 40-45 which is based on the decision which you take at 17-18 and always wondering “What would have happened otherwise?”.

So the plan was clear to sit in the college placements to find about the roles offered and if the role aligned with my future aspirations, then only go ahead. Sadly, I and companies weren’t on the same page. Only 1 company with right role came and after 8 rounds of interviews, they decided I might not be the right person (This can be determined in the 1st/2nd round itself by smart interviewers ). That company was in Chennai and I was ready to relocate. But destiny had other plans, I guess.

So I went to LinkedIn and got a job within 3 days at Techved Consulting as User Experience Consultant. This is another career shift. I did a lot of things at Cognizant which were close to User Experience, depending on how you want to see it. In my 2.5 years of Cognizant, I had worked in dot net development, analytics, performance engineering and front end development. In iProspect , I worn multiple hats again – Business Intelligence,  Domain centric report automation and Paid Media Management. On the sidelines, my consulting also stopped due to lack of time or my friends like to call “You are one of a kind lazy”. I am getting old I think.

Joining Techved is like resetting my life again. I am at that age where my friends from undergraduate days are getting married (few of them even have kids) and some are settled abroad. But here I am in Mumbai where I am doing what I love. The reason I shifted to Mumbai was quite simple – needed to get some perspective back in life (really?! That’s not what you said earlier in bed darling). I wanted to go there for two things – to take another look at the world I have left far behind (the world of corporate jobs, formal clothes, presentations and working 50 hours without a break) and to list out the things which would complete my fragmented life and calm the voices in my head. Mumbai gave me a taste of both these worlds at the same time. The world I have left – I could have kicked the corporate asses to kingdom come. I always gave the best presentations in class and no one looks more killer than me in formal clothes (which are a rare sighting still). This world called out to me like a wailing siren (waiting to devour the wonder-struck sailor) but I survived. Been there, done that – I am at peace with what I am doing with my life – designing it is, designing it shall remain. No second thoughts.

The world I want – I already know what was missing in my life. Mumbai just manifested her and put her in my arms – albeit for a very short time. ‘Silence’, command the voices in unison. Silence it shall be.

And when I got settled in my new job, my flat owner decided to throw us out by giving us 2 weeks to vacant the flat. So right now, flat hunting is going on. I, Manish and Pratik are looking to stay together. Few are shortlisted and we just have to finalize one as we have to shift on 31st May or max 1st June.

So next post will be from my new house(hopefully).

Videos:

 

 

 

Adieu 2017

Ah, is it December again, right? The last month of the year. By the time it would be posted, we will be in the last week too. Isn’t it amusing that how fast a year meets it end and a new year arrives at our doorstep when we are in hangover state after our 31st December heavy drinking marathon. 

I hope this ending year was a great ride for all of you. For me, it was an exceptional year. 

Allow me list out all substantial developments and events which happened in my life this year.

1. Left Cognizant (finally). What a ride that was? Not a single day passed without surprises. Some good and some nasty.  2.7 years spent well and how much I gained there in that time was the highlight (both monetary and experiential). 

2. Met new people at UX bootcamp at Bangalore.  Discussing Design principles with them was awesome. I can’t ask for a better Design Mentor than Atul. 

3. Attended a school’s buddy engagement at Jamshedpur. It is funny how as kids we used to attend other’s engagements and weddings and now each other’s. I still have 4 years in my hand for that stuff. Reconnected with lots of old friends. 

4. Maaji got sick and luckily I was at home at that time. Thankfully my course was delayed to due some reasons. Toughest 15 days of my life. 

5. Shifted to Mumbai. Biggest event of this year. I wanted to live in Mumbai since I was 15 years old. Dreams do come true. The city didn’t disappointed me at all. 

6. Went back to advanced maths and stuff after college. Loved it but I had lost edge in it. Now I need calculator for almost everything. I am getting old, I assume. 

7. I got the best pack at S P Jain’s Big Data and Visual Analytics program. The biggest collection of unique perspectives in a class handling toughest maths and computational problems day over day. Couldn’t have asked for a better batch considering my VR program didn’t even lift off from the runway. (It is another thing that most of their thoughts are downright stupid and they make me wonder under which rock they were living before the course.) 

8. Himanshu’s Mumbai visit , coincidentally at the time when I was at my low. And the new breath of fresh perspective he brings into my life. One day hopefully, I will get a chance to work with him.

9. Made a lots of friends. Hopefully, we will meet upcoming year to talk more about design, product development and bikes.

10. N, M and A are going well interwoven in my life.

11. Crazy flatmates. I didn’t wanted to move-in in sharing flats but ended up moving in and I got a bunch of crazy people. Cheers to our late night ice cream walks at JVLR.

12. Quick visit to Bangalore to attend A’s birthday. Diwali with family was bonus.
Quick recap on what happened on this site.

  • 10 posts.
  • 50000 views.
  • 25 new followers.

It is not bad considering I don’t write that well. Let’s see how the next year turns out for me and my activities.

This year I had the company of lots of good books and movies. Follow me on Instagram to see what I am reading every now and then. My Instagram handle. 

https://www.instagram.com/abhinav_grv/

Good movies seen this year :

  • Logan
  • Justice League 
  • Star Wars : The Last Jedi
  • Tiger Zinda Hai (I am a proud bhaitard) 

Was planning to include some pictures (like last year), but wouldn’t do it because considering the amount of pictures I had taken this year, it will take another 4-5 hours as I have to go through a lot to select some. Not gonna happen. May be next year. We will see.

So signing off for this year. We will meet next year. 

Last post didn’t had any songs list so this postwill have few more. Lots of great songs came out in these last 2 months. 






A not so sane post

Saturday 

I had no plans to write it but I am writing. I don’t know why but I think this is the place where I vent out my feelings. I don’t know whether it will get published or not. If it gets published, it would be a miracle and this post will get jealousy treatment from the posts in the drafts folder. That’s the irony. I end up doing things which I either don’t like or don’t want to. It is my story since childhood but I have always improvised and now I am not able to do that even. It would be better if we don’t get into it. 

Lots of interviews. Thank God, it didn’t went upto double digits. In all of them,  I was rejected because they don’t see a designer fit for a business analyst or a data scientist role. They were all banks and some stupid start-ups.  I mean, what the fuck is wrong with you guys, just test me. May you rot in hell and your company tanks. First as an engineer, I slogged to get into UX and then as an designer, same thing for a Data Scientist role. I had the proper training and skill set but with people are people. 

Life has become a series of unending failures over the past couple of years. I have been wandering about trying to find that one great success which will help me to redeem my lost pride. Of course there are a few small things which cheer me up every now and then and make me believe that I had achieved something. But what I need is some cataclysmic event (not necessarily a disastrous one but definitely an earth-shaking one) to change the course of my life and bring me back on track. It could be getting a good job or meeting some amazing people. The only thing which helps me to maintain my faith in life is my firm belief that good things happen to good people. 

Tuesday 

I was just lying contemplating what has gone wrong in my interviews that no one is selecting me as an intern. It is the first time that a good number of companies had rejected me stating that with my design background, I might not be a Data Scientist. So you can understand, I was on verge on becoming hulk and thrashing people here and there. You don’t pay a lumpsum amount to an intern, so what the entire fuss is about. Basically, an intern is a cheap labour. So in hiring cheap labours, you don’t have the right to have pretty much high standards but I was wrong. People do have high standards. My whatsapp was muted, email accounts tabs were closed. So there was no way that I can get mails and messages from college regarding more internships news. N called me to check my mail and I did and I got selected in an advertising company. And I was so much happy, I started swearing and I swear 24*7, doesn’t matter what the situation. So normal routine calls took place. And I played games till 3am and slept because I didn’t wanted to miss India vs Sri Lanka match. The match was just awesome. Rohit Sharma’s 200 not out innings will be remembered always and it will be even tough for him to match new standards set for him by him today. 3 200+ scores in ODI sounds too good for any cricketer but he is the HIT-MAN of Indian Cricket Team so it will be fine and fun to watch further developments. 

Now back to my life. 

In a few months,  it will be time for goodbyes and farewells. I might not see these people again, ever and this thought saddens me. It is not like I like them all but I also don’t hate them. We all have different reasons to be who we are. But even then, there is no excuse for stupidity.

I am too old to make new friends now. I have been doing it for the last 25 years with great ease and have always looked forward to meeting new people and making friends. When you have studied in different educational institutions and lived in many cities , making new friends becomes detrimental to your survival. But I was always good at it. Now I am not sure whether I’ll be able to do the whole charade all over again. Judging peoples’ characters, finding the right set of people who are emotionally and mentally compatible with you, I don’t think I can do it now. Perhaps I can still do it, but I don’t have the energy or the inclination to do it. I think I have become a little too secure in my life and don’t want to leave this comfort zone.

Life seems to be following a predetermined course and I feel like a mere spectator, seeing my own life pass by. My reserve of stored optimism is slowly drying out and that is a bad thing because no matter how much I swear day in day out, I always believe that in last over, whole match can turn upside for me in a good way.  

In other news : 

Today is the last day of my freedom(or boredom or whatever else you call a state of being in limbo).  Tomorrow I take the first big step of going from IT to Media . Tomorrow I enter the world of iProspect(sister company of Dentsu Aegis Network) and start my internship . So goodbye my dear Amazon Prime and Netflix . I don’t know when we’ll meet again. The AD+Tech people are going to make me work my arse off(sorry for the profanity but if the immortal bard Shakespeare can use it, so can I). My day will begin early in the morning as I live in North Mumbai and office is in South Mumbai . After having done the usual things in the usual places(you know what I mean) I’ll catch local because 3 months cab fare will kill me. After doing my project work(I don’t even want to go into the details of that because I have no idea what I’ll be doing) till six in the evening I’ll head back home where good food, my bed and the alarm clock set for another day will be waiting for me. The vicious circle goes on.

Look at the bright side of all this(I am still trying to find that side but so far failure). So any one with a few words of wisdom or dumbness drop in a few lines. I’ll sign off with these words :

There is eternal providence even in the fall of a sparrow — Shakespeare in Hamlet. 

Down the River of Pain

At a meeting the last week at Rude Lounge(Tinder, obviously) I was with this beautiful exotic-looking specimen of the fairer sex. Though I was instantly attracted towards her, something about her appearance revolted me. It took me some time to understand this dichotomy of my reaction towards her appearance. This girl was wearing a diamond nose ring and she had each of her ears pierced in six places. She was wearing beautiful ear rings (12 of them) and was looking very ethnic in her cotton salwar. So modern yet so traditional. I wish we could go longer (atleast as long as I am in Mumbai. Long distances doesn’t work with me unfortunately).

Now I have no problem with people using their bodies as a medium of self-expression through various kinds of body art – tattoos, piercing, etc. In fact I think a tattoo or a piercing at the right place looks extremely sexy. And I thought this particular girl looked very hot because of the piercing. However, I cringed at the thought of her or anybody else inflicting such pain on their bodies. Friends inform me that the process is not at all painful and it’s just like getting injected with a big needle. The process is also very swift because these days they use a device which resembles a nail gun (a shudder just ran down my spine while writing those two words). I remember accompanying a four year old cousin to her first ear piercing some few years back. I also remember her laughing all the way back home and me having an expression of sheer terror on my face. It had taken me a month to get over the barbaric ritual I saw that day. The scene still haunts me sometimes in my dreams (I need a beer or two to calm my nerves).

I am back. Nothing is more haunting than the old memories.

Now I was a chicken when I was a child. As a kid, doctors had to face a lot of  problems  injecting me. I even winced at the sight of a large injection (and oh boy! I got many of those, me being a clumsy dolt as a kid). Even my hair cutting scenes were a lot pain for my parents as soon as I see a scissor I used to cry in a way which would put Karan Johar’s famed character to shame. But things changed with time and then came a time when I used to laugh after getting beaten because I knew I was going to beat that person to pulp later on. And yet I would never have the courage to get a tattoo or a piercing (not that I want one). Something about this whole piercing business smells of masochism. I understand how creating an image for oneself (through the clothes we wear, brands we sport, etc.) is so important these days when the first impression means everything (I would have never called the girl exotic, sexy or hot sans her piercing) and yet how far are we ready to go with this. It has to be a certain pleasure we derive from inflicting pain on ourselves which warrants such extreme (think nail gun) measures.

Personally, I am big fan of pain. Pain can do a lot of good. Its power to inspire is unmatched, and till my search for a muse remains fruitless, pain remains the acting-muse. Not that I have to go looking for someone to pain me, but there have been instances when under the effect of Bacchus’ greatest gift to mankind I have asked a few inspiring pugilists to land the real McCoy bang on my face. One chap actually obliged me and I was left with a cut an inch long inside my mouth which made eating anything impossible for the next one week. I will always remember that chap because it turned out to be a very fruitful week in which I wrote feverishly. But never would I condone the act of piercing.

Remembering the advice a friend gave a few years back –

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on
Don’t let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. now it’s time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on

’cause everybody hurts. take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. don’t throw your hand. oh, no. don’t throw your hand
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not alone.

Random Videos :

 

 

TINDER : A tryst about LEGACY

This came soon , right?

Just within 1 week of the last post, a new one is here. I even surprised myself this time. This wasn’t planned, it is circumstantial.

So as you guys already know that I left my job and I am studying Machine Learning in Mumbai. 6 months Post Graduate Specialization Program. And in a 6 months program, you don’t get weekends and holidays (even on National Holidays,if any class is planned). Actual plan was of Virtual Reality as it seemed the next logical step for a UX Designer but fate had different plans and I ended up in the Machine Learning. For the first time, having an engineering degree is useful as Computer Science Graduates usually have these subjects on face value basis(not in depth , just the introduction). So after 9  days of continuous class , I was getting frustated as the last post was already posted and I didn’t had anything to distract me from studies. So I installed Tinder and ended up doing lots of “right swipe” . Sometimes I believe in my luck and do Tinder as there is a very nice study about Tinder . Have a look on it , here.

Tinder Experiments

It states that “the bottom 80% of men (in terms of attractiveness) are competing for the bottom 22% of women and the top 78% of women are competing for the top 20% of men.” And I am definitely not in the top 20% of the men. If given some thought I might be in bottom 20%.

But luck had helped me a lot in Bengaluru, so I tried it here and I got few “right swipes” in return and we ended up chatting and it resulted in few F2F meeting. Except for the 1, rest was typical scene : Girl meet Boy, they talk about their lives and hobbies while mentally scrutinizing each other and leave for the best of each other. But this one girl was different and we met and ended up chatting for more than 3 hours. Guess psychology students have more understandings of the worlds among us. She had a unique perspective on every thing and the best thing , she is comfortable with the fact that the world is full of idiots. She is sort of modern day Athena. I right-swiped her because of a lot of similarity to an old friend AS. Little did I knew that mentally she would be at the different level than most of us. I had never seen a girl so cute yet fierce in specs.  During our chats , in the “hi – hello” phase I shared my blog with her and she figured out most of my writing is about my issues with my legacy and we discussed about what legacy is and why I am obsessed with it and she even sent a short but deep post about it to me. Have a look on it.

It’s ok to not have a legacy.

I don’t know whether these opposing ideas are true or not but one thing is for sure , “legacy thing” is always a “+1” with me ,everywhere. And if I stopped carrying it with me, then I can be little more present in the moment. It will not be easy at first but with time , I can get rid of this emotional baggage.

Let’s see what lies ahead.

In other news, I liked a movie and that movie bombed at the Box Office. I liked the first part  but bollywood being bollywood needed to add typical bollywood masala in it.

Videos :

 

9490 days of me

Ah!

Even writing the title of this post made me feel a little old. Coming 13th , I will be 26 and that means I will have spent 9490  days on earth. It is always disheartening to think about the time ,you have spent some X years on earth ; living , eating, breathing , walking ,every single day on earth and yet have achieved nothing something substantial. Yes, it may sound naive or some may call it stupid that I am neglecting the small joys of life because there are few people who didn’t have that also. They are important but as per Maslow’s triangle , psychological needs are the starting steps and my psychological need since childhood was to create a worth-while and long lasting legacy – something that will survive me for generations to come. There is a complete post on this by me. Have a look on it.

Dreams and Legacy

Maslows’ hierarchy of need :

Maslows-hierarchy-of-needs

Last year’s birthday was fun. ( See Dengue-fied!  ) .

This year I don’t know. I will be in middle of my examinations . This is my legacy since childhood , on my birthday either I was giving exams or collecting my results. On the lines of it, I will be in my exams this year too.I don’t know what I am going to do in the exam but something shall be done and will be done. Okay, I got drifted away from what made me write this post in the first place. It is about lessons, learned both hard way and soft way. I am not going to distinguish among them . Lessons are lessons.

Lessons.

Lesson 1: Thank you(s) should be loud and Fuck you(s) should be silent.

Lesson 2: The world doesn’t owe you anything.

Lesson 3: It is always better to let things develop themselves and not to disturb their growth/progress as most of the time, you can end up making them worse.

Lesson 4: Don’t make plans. Just keep on improvising things as they come up.

Lesson 5: It is always a good thing to have values as people surrounding you can be a bit ass and have different values and most of the times , others’ lenses won’t work on you.

Lesson 6: Be humble 95% of the time . For rest 5%, be an arrogant prick if you have to be because if you let down your ideas for once, then your ideas will start tumbling down after that one by one. I may be wrong if I say that your ideas are always right, your ideas are your theories and it is completely upto you to test it in the world. It is upto you on how you will set up the experiment.

Lesson 7: You need to learn to stand tall and alone. Just learn it.

Lesson 8: It is okay to fail but to just failing for the sake of failing is not good. Ever.

Lesson 9: Don’t turn small quarrels into big fights. Differences in ideas are allowed . Everyone sees the world differently.

Lesson 10: Don’t end anything and if it is the only thing required , try to end it at a good note. You don’t know when you had to open that book again.

Lesson 11: Smile. Try to smile. People takes your thinking face into frowning and everything goes into drain from that.

Lesson 12: Don’t overthink. What is bound to happen will happen and what has happened , has happened for the good.

Lesson 13: There is always a next time.

Lesson 14: Forgive that bitch. It’s been 3 years.

Lesson 15: Lose it. You are better without it .

Lesson 16: Don’t give up on your ideals. They will be there when you would need them.

Lesson 17: Get involved in the community. Enough of being a loner.

Lesson 18: If you have something to do with Creative industry, you will do it. Just focus on the engineering and maths stuff for now. And don’t you ever stop writing.

Lesson 19: Continuation of last mentioned lesson. Change the objective of your writing and just write on what you believe in.

Lesson 20: It’s harder to be kind than be clever.

Lesson 21: Don’t take things at face value.

Lesson 22: Dogs bark at what they don’t understand.

Lesson 23: Cherish Scars. They had made you what you are today.

Anyway Happy Birthday to me(in advance ofcourse). Hope I get to write for long as I can.

Privilege : Upbringing and Networking

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I’m a hugely privileged individual. If you’re reading this, my bet is that you are too.

I was born into a family that could afford most of the material comforts in life. I had a very happy childhood, grew up in some nice neighbourhoods. I’ve lived a big chunk of my life in some great cities and worked and met with some brilliant people who’ve influenced me more than I could ever thank them for.

I’m male. I’m straight. I’m reasonably healthy and don’t suffer from any mental problems (if you don’t count insomnia and over-thinking as a disease). I have more friends than I can keep up with and more opportunities to succeed at anything I do than I would ever care to admit. I tick all the right boxes. Almost all of the privileges and advantages that society can bestow on someone have been bestowed on me.

Many more privileges, I’ve realised, than most people want to acknowledge.

I grew up in a family where I was encouraged to read lots and lots of books, to learn and to question(one of the perks of having parents who are teachers). Because of the environment I was brought up in, I grew up to be a confident man with a high sense of self-worth and with the firm belief that my destiny lay in my very own hands.

I was given a lot of freedom to try out different things, meet interesting people, showered with love and instilled with confidence. Later, through the course of life, I happened to luck out and meet people who filled me with the sense that pretty much anything in the world is possible. I’ve had experiences and become friends with people who have opened me up to new ideas and exposed me to possibilities that I once could only have dreamed of.

Growing up in a loving family, in a decent neighbourhood with access and exposure to most things pretty early on in life adds a huge layer of hidden advantage than the more tangible one wealth provides. These things are important, and they matter much much more than what people seem to be willing to see. The safety net that your connections and your family provides makes life so much easier. They open doors for you most others may not even know exist.

And yet somehow, especially in the tech industry that I was part of and will be part of again soon, we seem to deliberately forget how privileged we really are, and seem to believe that we’re exactly the opposite.

We convince each other that we’ve made huge successes of our lives through sheer talent and intelligence and anyone else who hasn’t, has failed because they don’t ‘get’ it as we do, they’re not as smart as us and are just plain lazy or bad at math.

I understand where some of it comes from. Intelligence does play a good part in this — but I suspect that part is vastly overrated. I know that I’m reasonably intelligent by any kind of standards anyone uses — but I’ve also realised that just intelligence hasn’t been the most important thing why most things in life have worked out for me so far.

More than anything else, it’s because the world is rigged in my favour. People like me are ‘meant’ to succeed. That’s just the way society is designed.

In hindsight, I entered the tech industry by sheer luck and coincidence. Initially I was fixated on Mechanical Engineering at first , then on Electrical Engineering and finally ended up in Computer Science and Engineering. Then I fell in love with English and games. What happened then was a lot of Game Design and Writing (as a freelancer). Then suddenly I switched to UX and right now I am studying Data Science leaving my job suddenly. Data Science wasn’t planned , VR was planned. In a short period of time, I had worked in more domains and with more tech stacks than most people in their entire career.Coincidence only even made possible because of my privilege.

I worked on some really cool products simply by being in the right place at the right time and because some people were kind enough to give me a chance. I dated some really nice girls and made some amazing friends because I ticked all the right boxes. I’ve had access to some great job opportunities and I get to hang around some brilliant people because they see me as a ‘peer’.

Much like network effects, our privilege is all-encompassing, ever-protective, self-perpetuating yet invisible. So much of the privilege is hidden into the system that you cannot even see it.

That, in the end then is the most important thing to know.

However intelligent and smart you consider yourself to be, you’ll never really know what life is like for other people. You won’t really know their pain and problems, how hard things are for them.

I’ll never really know what it is to be poor. Even if I do — I’ll be poor knowing that I have a family that will always support me, that I’ll never have to worry about a roof over my head or food to eat, and that I have the education, experience and connections that will invariably help me out.

Wealthy people will never know what it’s really like to be poor. Straight men will never know what it’s like to be gay. Men will never really know what it’s like to be a woman. Able-bodied people will never know what it feels like to be differently abled.

There are a few things that we’d do well to remember and remember often: that we are deeply privileged and very lucky.

Do we struggle? Yes, we do.

But perhaps a lot less than those who didn’t hit some kind of cosmic lottery that we did. And when we’re a wee bit more humble, we might just get a little bit better at imagining what it’s like to be someone else. What it is to truly be in someone else’s shoes.

Some of life’s greatest lessons come from comic books and Uncle Ben was right on the money when he said: with great power comes great responsibility.

Do we have power?

Yes.

Maybe not as much as we’d like, but we still have it.

And we have to be better at this.

This is important.

There are people out there who are asking you to listen.

  • Listen to them. Try and understand them. More importantly, believe them. It is possible that you think that the stories you hear are implausible. What’s more likely is that you don’t realise your advantages and it hurts your fragile ego to be told that.
  • Use your abundant imagination and walk a mile in someone’s uncomfortable shoes. It’s not that hard to do.
  • Open up.
  • Confirm and confront your biases as best as you can.
  • Have the humility to recognise that while we can try to imagine what it is like for the others, we’ll never really know.
  • Remember your position of privilege.
  • Know how to not talk like you already have all the answers. To shut up and listen.
  • Most importantly, be kind to everyone that you encounter.

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Now some songs on which I am tripping now a days.

 

 

Demonic Voices

Ah!!! 

So again this happened. I had decided and reminded myself again and again that I have to write twice a month and if in any case I can’t, at least one post should be out. But life took a bizarre turn (again) and I didn’t respected my decision of writing also. It is very common for me to not respect others whenever there is a clash of ideologies between us. I am not proud of it and also not ashamed of it. 

Life took a bizarre turn and all my plans went to the drain(again) and I have to make some new plans as per the new context. And my closed ones will get to know about it soon.


Someone rightly said, Life has its own way of finding its way.


So after stepping out of the cocoon and some experiences(good and bad), I have come to this understanding of life and how to live in it.


There is a trap that we fall into as to what possibilities in life could have emerged if I had done some things a certain way. But I think it’s always a wise approach to take life as it comes through and always optimising for the process that you follow rather than the goal you set out to be.


I have lots to write but don’t want to write them. 


Somethings are better left unsaid.


I had read this poem somewhere sometime back and I don’t remember the exact lines but I do remember the context of it and right now I am feeling the same, so I tried to reproduce it and let me know how is it.



Demonic Voices


The voices in my head just told me –
You are never coming back

We spent some good times together
You and me, me and you.

But the voices drove you crazy
And so you went far away.

Far away into the void of nothingness
Where your own imagination

Does not revolt and bite you in the ass.
Where the phantoms of your dead neurons

Don’t trouble you in the middle of night
While you are fighting the minions

Of the ancient gods of Valhalla.
Damn! Damn these voices.

I should have drowned them long back
In a small puddle of creative fungus

Which is now so cheaply available,
In large cans made of tin at the mart.

I should have gone away with you
And left this comfortable numbness behind.

No one would have wept
I assure you, except a few

They would have written an obituary,
Not for me, but for those wretched voices.

You were the only one, who knew me,
Who had peeled all the lairs and found me

Buried deep within myself. My own voice
Muffled by those who wanted to reign supreme.

You were the only one who heard me and my voices.
But you have now gone far away,

I remember everything about you
But will never see you awake.

Only in the land of dreams
Did you appear before me.

I remember your every curve
But I know you are not coming back

The voices drove you away
They wanted me for themselves.

They have won,
And we have lost.


Videos :