Inkaar

Everytime once in a while , you come across a movie which you end up watching more than 7 times in a week. Many times , the situation is you are in love with a character . This happens with DC IPs , Marvel IPs and some movie series . But when this happens with a simple experimental movie ,with no major starcast and marketing , it becomes an experience which screams to told and shared.

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Inkaar came out in 2013. I didn’t saw it that time with Preetam because I had different taste at that time and life was hellfire then. Now when I look back at those times, I feel I was stupid then. But who knows, maybe I am stupid now and was wise then. Leave it , once what is done, is done; lamenting isn’t going change anything, I assume.

 

Inkaar was a movie with Rashomon story telling technique. It has multiple interpretations . This is my version. You may have different. And different versions breeds discussions which can lead to a wonderful evening of talks. Siddhant, are you listening?

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Sudhir Mishra is a gifted film maker with an uncanny knack of making movies which can force you to think about the subject. His movie Inkaar is a treatise on corporate life, office politics , love and Sexual Harassment. While preparing for this movie , he was, I assume, in awe of the series Mad Men. He ended up writing a fan fiction account of Don Draper and Peggy Olsen.

 

Mishra and his team had done a brilliant work in setting up the characters.

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He chose Arjun Rampal to play Rahul Verma , proverbial Don Draper. Smart , Charismatic and Arrogant, a small town boy who is not shy to let this achievements speaks for him. He is shown to worked on his attitude to shake off his small town complex and compete with the bullies from the metros. He is feared by the Upper Management as he is the brand of the agency KK & Doyle and loved by the subordinates for his support and grooming of talent by putting them at the right place at right time.

 

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Then there is Chitrangada Singh as Maya Luthra, proverbial Peggy Olsen. Small town girl, ambitious , talented and bit-too-emotional. Don’t take quoted emotional in negative sense , it is an asset when your day job is to sell things to masses.
This is a story revolving around them which can be summarized as : “At a leading ad agency, the battle for the top job between Rahul Verma, the advertising CEO, and Maya Luthra, his ambitious protégée, takes an ugly turn when Maya files a sexual harassment complaint against Rahul.”

 
But is it that simple ?
No , it isn’t. It is a movie about the dark side of corporate culture. The corporate world is more or less like a black hole which sucks an individual into it with such force that an escape becomes impossible. As the individual is sucked deeper it becomes more and more difficult for him/her to lead a normal life. The relationships suffer as one fails to attend to the needs of the loved ones. And by the time one realizes that he/she is surrounded by more strangers than friends ,it’s too late.

 

The greatest challenge is to draw the line between flirtation and harassment. Once that is taken care of the next challenge is to fathom the reality that, contrary to the popular belief, both the sexes are equally prone to sexual harassment.
And that’s where the subjective element comes into the picture.

Who’s the victim? Who’s the accused?

The movie starts with the proceedings of the committee formed by the agency to sort out the matter internally without drawing much outside attention. As the hearing progresses, it becomes more and more difficult to discern who is speaking the truth and who is not. While the versions of Maya and Rahul only differ slightly there is enough deviation to perplex the most astute of minds.
The manner of proceedings, though completely alien to Indian cinema, is strikingly similar to Japanese filmmaker Akira Kurosawa’s groundbreaking masterpiece Rashomon (1950), which is widely regarded as a cinematic treatise on the subjectivity of truth. In Rashomon, Kurosawa had highlighted, for the first time in cinema, that discrepancies can actually exist among the different versions of the same event (as narrated from the perspective of the different parties). These discrepancies testify the subjective nature of truth. This is sometimes also referred to as “The Rashomon Effect”. In Inkaar, Misha succeeds at several fronts (mostly from the cinematic point of view), but he fails miserably in one regard. Inkaar fails to remain true to its core theme, that of sexual exploitation. The typical Indian film audiences are not accustomed to shocks and surprises. They want to be spoon-fed and are easily agitated by a filmmaker who tries to test them in any manner. Maybe this is the reason why movie is not mainstream among audiences.

I am not going to write down the entire story here. Get up and see it . You will not regret it. If you regret it, tell me as that will be the time to talk about the future of our friendship or any relationship we have.

The lead actors get good support from the supporting cast.

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Deepti Naval cameo is a major highlight of the movie.

 

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Vipin Sharma’s Guptaji is a person who can be found around us very easily.

 

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Kaizaad Kotwal shines as KK, a spineless named partner of the agency who is shit scared of the current happenings in the agency.

Inkaar is a movie for people who watches movies to broaden their perspectives.

Video Section:

 

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Potpourri! 

Life is a bliss since last post (sort of).

Office Blues

Not in a fixed project, so have the power of going to and coming from office at anytime I desire but with one condition : Fortnightly average should be 9 hours. Cognizant was a good place to be at when I joined back in 2014 but with recent hiring of Infosys’ guys, it is becoming a Nazi Concentration camp,  month by month. That’s not good. You can’t just change your culture for the sake of some good for nothing MBA’s hired from a company which I have hated since childhood. I kinda liked Wipro but Infosys was a big no – no.

Kindle Unlimited

Amazon’s and Flipkart’s annual sale ended few weeks back.  Didn’t found anything worth buying. But got a very good deal for Kindle Unlimited. 50% discount for all the Kindle Unlimited subscription plan.The Kindle Unlimited library has 10 millions + books. Thanks to the deal, I ended up reading a lots of books in just 2 weeks. Average would be 1 book in a day. That’s cool even for my reading speed standard. 

Kindle Unlimited is a nice online library sort of service. You can go to the Kindle  Unlimited catalog to select the books and at max, you can take only 10 books to read and after that return one to get a new one. Just hoping Amazon to give me a nice deal when my subscription ends next October.

Here is the complete list of all the books which I consumed so far.


Observations:

  1. India has surely come a long way since Chetan Bhagat and Durjoy Dutta days. Ravi Subramanian and Vish Dhamija are leading the pack. Their writing is a goal for the all the aspiring writers. Ravi Subramanian and Vish Dhamija are the only contenders to be the India’s John Grisham. Very detailed and absolutely no plot loopholes.
  2. Self-help books are shit books. They aren’t useful. Main thing is to listen to your heart but take a step forward by consulting your brain only. Your heart can take you to the drainage of your locality.
  3. Trying out new authors can be a tricky situation as most of the books are bound to be shit like the Sachin Garg’s, ” Come on Inner Peace! I don’t have all day!”. The worst book I have read in my life so far. I thought maybe this book is bad but when I inquired some of my friends about Sachin Garg’s other books, reviews were quite similar to mine observation. His books are shit. He just writes to capitalize on the recent trends. Above mentioned book is a capitalisation on Breaking Bad. Inshort, Sachin Garg is worse than Chetan Bhagat. Rest you can figure out if you have ever read books apart from courseworks.

 

Why do I write? 

Somewhere down the line I realized that complete strangers were frequenting my blog and sharing their views with me. I started receiving mails from people who sometimes agreed with me whole heartedly and sometimes were at loggerheads with me. This was fun. Blogging had suddenly become a means for intellectualization, for debate, for arguments and for agreements. But somewhere around this point things started going wrong. Vanity they say is the Devil’s favorite sin. I started getting a kick out of the fact that my blog was receiving around 100 unique hits daily. Checking the site meter and net traffic records became an obsession. The simple reason for which I had started my blog was lost. I just wanted to share my life, my views and my thoughts with my friends. But I will not give up blogging. My blog, since it is essentially about my life, might seem like an exercise in ego-feeding to some but to me it is the only way of communication with my friends. So I will continue blogging in the same way I have been for the last 16 months. No site-meter, no net traffic records, just blogging. I have enjoyed the discussions that resulted from my blog and I hope my writing inspires further discussions. In all of these, I noticed a strange thing. Strangers are more interested in talking about my posts than my known people. They just ignore whatever I write. I don’t know the reason.

The reasons may be on these possible observations:

  • they are too primitive to understand these things.
  •  they actually have a life which I know they don’t. Suckers.
  • Some are too busy in their ego-feeding and false superior thinking that they just can’t appreciate some original thinking. (Jealous Assholes)

 

Better to ignore them and carry on blogging, amigo. May the force be with you!

One thing good has happened in all these blogging years and I am quite happy about it.Thoughts are getting converted to words more easily these days and there is a new clarity in my thinking.

 

 

The First

She had made fun of me the first time we met.

The acerbic words, the colourful and often (more like always) hurtful diatribes I am now known for were missing in my repertoire back then. It was a time, when once I had found out that the female of the species Canis Familiaris is called a ‘bitch’, had found it exceedingly funny and decided to christen everything I met on my way back from school by the same name, my mom had put a little red chilly powder on my tongue and warned me that if I ever called a woman that she’d disown me.

She had made fun of me and I had remained silent.

I was four years old and she was about three years older and four fingers taller than me. She could have easily taken me.

She had made fun of me and I would have done the same if I were in her position.

You see, I still hadn’t mastered the subtle art of tying my shoelaces. I never really understood the whole ‘one little bunny goes over the bridge, hides below the hedge and is then pulled out by the evil witch’ bit. What the hell was a bunny doing on my shoes anyway?

She had made fun of me and then gone ahead and tied my shoelaces.

We had become friends instantly. And we were inseparable. We were together when I lost my first tooth, when she and I learnt to ride a bicycle, when her parents split, when she had her first period (the oddest day of my life so far), when Jurassic Park came to the theatres, when she was asked out on her first date …

And then my parents decided to move to a different city.

We were sitting on top of the water tank on my terrace (our favourite place). We had not spoken for over an hour. We just sat there looking at the houses around us, the play ground where we had learnt to climb trees together and our old school in the distance. We didn’t look at each other. We didn’t want to cry.

My mom called out from the driveway. They were ready to leave. I said I’ll be down in a few minutes.

I looked at her. And did something I had never expected to do. I kissed her, kissed her for the longest possible time. But something was amiss. She wasn’t responding. Her lips weren’t moving. I kissed her harder, pulled her closer to me. Nothing. I only withdrew when I felt her tears on my cheek. Her face was expressionless. She didn’t say anything.

My mom called again. I stood up in a daze. Said goodbye. She still didn’t say anything. I stood there for a moment and then climbed down the stairs.

On the way to the railway station I did not speak to anyone. All I could think about was her. Had I done something wrong? Had I destroyed the only friendship which meant anything to me? Had I …

I was fourteen years old. And that was my first kiss?

Passions : A Pregnant Pause, every now and then.

This post is the result of a comment someone left on my blog a long time back. Miss your comments Unknown.

As we grow old we tend to lose interest in things which earlier meant a lot to us. Interests change, priorities change and some of us tend to become more focused (others like me continue existing in a chaotic mode, aiming for a gazillion goals at once). This post is a form of therapy for me, a kind of an internal review.

Passions Past

Programming, Gadgets, the Works – I started programming when I was 10 years old. And I wrote code regularly till the age of 21. One of my most enduring friendships is a result of my shared interest in computers with my friend Ankir. I loved the anticipation just before a program was getting compiled. The ‘error free’ status was almost orgasmic. Though I have written code in most of the popular languages, C and Javascript will always have a special place in my heart. I fondly remember the good old high school days, the long nights writing thousands of lines of code. I was a nerd and I am proud of it.

But somewhere down the line I got tired of it all. I haven’t done any coding in almost two years. Miss the smooth motion of my fingertips on the keyboard sometimes. 12 years is long enough. Computers were my first love, my first mistress. Maybe I still am a nerd.

Passions in Hibernation

Women! Women!! Women!!! Women!!!!
Need I say anything else?

Quizzing

Enduring Passions

Writing

Advertising

Films

Reading

On the Verge of being Passions:

Long conversations

Beers

Doodling

Will keep adding to this list and keep it as a reference.

Songs on which I am hooked on these days.

New Dream and Disastrous Food

Today after 4/5 months, I left the office early around 6pm as there was not much left to do. So I left with a hope that I will have something good for the dinner after my disastrous lunch at ESC, Manyata Tech Park.

I spotted a short scrawny 22-something girl was standing with a tall (very) stunning enchantress. Contempt, hatred and loathing for my very being were tightly packed together in an unwavering look from the short one. I have drawn some sharp reactions from people in the past but this was the oddest of them all. And from a stranger who I could have squashed under my foot? Never!

Now I should have been thinking about an appropriate expression for my face. But somewhere the Tall Girl Alert had been activated in my brain and all thought processes had ceased. Instead of looking at the little one I was staring at the tall one. After a few seconds I realised I wasn’t blinking and I ordered this (I about to order something else but I am incorrigible about Tall Girls, I guess).

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There is this nice little shopping complex at Nagavara where I go quite often. Avishek needed to check out Samsung J7 as he finally decided to upgrade his old and tender Samsung Galaxy Duos after 4 long years. We went and enquired about it and before leaving we decided to have an Ice cream but I am not fond of the Ice cream shop there so I decided to have McDonald’s McFlurry.

Today as I was going about savoring every last piece of my order a big business family walked in. There was an old lady who was probably the head of the house hold and accompanying her were her three daughters-in-law with a whole bunch of toddlers. The old lady was a domineering woman with complete control over the workings of her family. Her sons kept calling her on the four mobiles that each of them were carrying and asking her permission to do this and that.She sat like an old powerful queen on the chair with her family members sitting all around her trying to please her and elevate themselves in her eyes. I was impressed by this matriarchal display of authority in what seemed to be an otherwise traditional Indian family. 

But then my eyes fell on the three daughters-in-law. All of them were wearing sarees and their heads were covered with the pallu as a mark of respect towards their mother-in-law (or maybe they had no other choice but to keep their heads covered). None of them looked a day over twenty-five and in fact one of them looked even younger than me. She had a baby in her arms and every now and then she would look at it and give a small, almost invisible and inaudible sigh. All of them had a smile on their face, a very synthetic smile, a very artificial smile which was not in keeping with the great food I was having. 

I stopped eating to take a better look at them, to peer through their eyes and see the truth behind those fake smiles. All I could see were broken dreams and crushed ambitions. All around them were young people talking excitedly about their future plans, their careers, the new film in the theatres; and sitting there with their heads covered and listening intently yet uninterestedly to an old queen were these three young women. Marriage and motherhood slapped on their faces. 

One could argue that they were happily married and what woman wouldn’t want to be a mother. May be the only ambition they ever nurtured was to become a house wife and raise sons who would grow up and marry more women like them or raise daughters who would be married off into other such families. May be they all enjoyed covering their heads with the pallu and listening to the words of wisdom of the old queen. But why did I hear the faint cry of a dream, a dream which knew its end was inevitable. She looked at the baby and took another sigh.

May be a new dream was born.

Now, videos time.

Enclosed by the walls

We don’t like to think. People will say they think about things all the time.

But do they do that?
No. They don’t. They are most probably lying to themselves and we all love to lie to ourselves because no one is going to see through the lie and as a liar you don’t want to see through it anyway.

The fault is not theirs completely. The main problem lies in our upbringing. Right from the moment we arrive on the earth, we are taught thinking is the way we feel about things and when we include feelings and thinking together we are on our way to be doomed and that’s the reality of the present world. The reason being we are not living in world of feelings rather we are living in a world of reasoning.

So what is thinking, by the way?
Many people have different definitions of it. I have mine.Thinking is basically looking at things in a logical way and understanding them with reasons. And that includes these:
1. What is this ?
2. Why is this ?
3. Where to put this ?
4. How to put this ?
5. When to put this?

Now let’s take an example to understand those 5 points. Let’s take the context of blogging.

1. What is this?
It is a blog to document my thoughts and understanding of the world.

2. Why is this?
For as long as I can remember I have been obsessed with creating a worthwhile and long-lasting legacy – something that will survive me, perhaps for generations to come. Legacy can be in the form of material wealth and riches. It can be in the form of ideas. An artist’s legacy is his work; a gangster’s his street-cred and the urban legends that surround his name. As an author I hope my books are read for years to come if I finally ever write it but it is definitely on the cards. And Siddhant know why I do this? I am doing it for the next generation so that they can see and understand how I perceived the world and they are going to be super opinionated like me if I ever walk down to the aisle (hi mom) and to have an opinion they are going to need to have lots of perspectives known to them.

3. Where to put this?
I had a range of options but I chose a WordPress premium account because I am lazy and quite famous for starting things and never take it to completion and with a premium account, I am binding myself to this duty as my employer doesn’t pay me much but it is still enough to keep up my blog and booze and food.

4. How to put this?
Everyone has a way of learning things and my way is blunt and straightforward Q and A session. So if I am not writing about my past experiences, then my blog posts are usually in Q and A.

5. When to put this?
As soon as the idea pops up in my mind. Then I just need 4-5 hours to complete the entire writing and drafting process. But if the idea went out from attention even for a single day, then they are going to be in the drafts folder only. There are 5 posts and I think I am going to delete them because they didn’t make any sense to me as their time has passed.

So ask these 5 questions to understand anything and everything and the more deep your answer, the more clear you will be while performing that activity.

I always loved maths because there is no space for feelings there and whenever I tried to do anything which involved feelings, I messed up those things. That’s why I suck in all kinds of relationships as they wants me to be emotional all the times.

Right now, for a good span of time, I am meeting a lots of peoples and one thing is becoming clear to me is that we don’t like to think about things. We just want to assume about things and most importantly, we even don’t want to make our own assumptions, we just want to accept other’s assumptions and we absolutely love to brand those assumptions as our own.

We are now living in a world full of opportunities. The world of our parents are ending and with that all the options that world brought too. We can do almost anything. Our parents lived in a times when their options are limited and they had to make the best of it and our parents made the best of it because they liked to think about things. But now we have endless opportunities and we don’t think so we are just stuck in bad relationships, bad jobs, bad habits and many more.

How to see what is the difference between who thinks and who doesn’t think?

We all spend most of our leisure time on social media and we like to like, comment and share other’s brand new achievements, adventures and experiences. And we like to wonder how did they do it? They thought about it and tried to figure out the possibilities surrounding them and done that. So in that way, friends, thinking gives you an advantage to not have a boring life.

And while I am exploring new fields and learning new skills constantly – formal higher education is still not part of my life. I still have dreams of giving exams (I was a weird child – I was happiest sitting in an examination hall) and running through the corridors of a school or college. And while I have left higher education (a master’s and a PhD, perhaps) for my 30s, my quest to educate myself is at its peak. There has never been a better time to be a thinker than now.

Wait. From where does education comes into this?

Dude you can’t just start thinking just because you want to think. You need fodder to grow crops on a farm and that is where education comes into play. I am a supporter of learning (both formal and informal).

I believe that thinking is an acquired skill that can be developed over time. In the nature vs nurture debate – this skill definitely falls on the side of nurture. One also learns it by imitation – by observing others – parents, teachers, friends, mentors, colleagues, etc.

Its impact on personal and professional growth is huge if one acquires this skill at an early stage. Also, it is definitely something one can pick up later in life – albeit with a lot of hard work.

Are we doomed?
Most probably, Yes if we don’t start to think about things now.

Okay now is the time for some random music videos on which I am hooked on.

Aargh!!! Not again.

I am extremely mad at myself. I am so mad, that I feel crazier than usual. At times like these I wish there was someone who could whack me and straighten that convoluted head of mine.

This is a random post as I have nothing to write about. But there are lots of bits and pieces of thoughts in my mind from last couple of days and they are troubling me, so I decided to write them down. You may ask why can’t I write it in private? Writing in private takes the fun out of it and I have a pretty boring life so I like to have fun whenever I get chance. There is not a clear direction of what I am going to write about but a perfect example of how I like to think about things. Starting with puzzling Q and A and then deciding which one is better before settling down to form an opinion about it. I have opinions and you have to be ready with logic and explanations if you ever want to challenge my opinions.

Brace yourselves, Puzzled thoughts are coming!

1). I simply don’t know when to give up. I should learn to take a hint. Never been given a cold shoulder before (it’s happened once earlier, but that was just pathetic). The weird thing is, I don’t feel hurt – I just feel odd. Pride and arrogance tell me that there is no possible reason for anyone to ignore me. Or is there?
This is my punishment for being so easily amused and cheerful all the time – a good solid dose of depression. It’s definitely not helping the cause of writing. Neither is continuously thinking about the gorgeous girl who I always meet (accidentally) in the office elevator.

2). Every now and then I reach the conclusion that the Universe has nothing left to teach me. Or that whatever else is left, is either useless or redundant. I wallow in the splendid muck of my ignorance. And then the Universe drags me out, gives me a cold shower, cleans me from head to toe and proceeds to give me a whipping which would make any Los Angles dominatrix proud. I hear you loud and clear Universe.

You.
Are.
My.
Daddy.

3). Depression and excitement can go together – I am a stinking potpourri of emotions these days. I make myself sick.

4). I figured out something when I was twelve years old. I was a bright, precocious brat with a simple view of the world. I figured that elders (anyone who was older than me) had nothing to offer me as far as knowledge was concerned. Considering I was so young, this notion might look childish, but today I can add the weight of a decade of experience behind it. In my humble opinion elders have not been responsible for a single bit of knowledge in my head – either it was already there and I just needed to discover it or else I was smart enough to figure things out on my own. Elders may have played the role of a guide in some of the discoveries but given enough time I would have stumbled upon those hidden springs of knowledge on my own. A very egomaniacal thought but I stand by it.
I come to the next more crucial point. My mental growth is now almost stagnant; it has remained so for the last couple of years. 

5). Life is going on at a steady pace, which can be a good thing, but I prefer a sinusoidal curve. I some how feel that inertia has set in and I am waiting for something big and drastic to happen (ok I have a vague notion of the kind of thing I’ll call drastic, so it wouldn’t be a bolt from the blues). For now my fingers are crossed and double crossed.

It is ironic but even a steady and assured upward-looking future is sending me into a depression. Carpe diem, that’s what a friend said. How? 

Slaughtering the predator.

Winning a woman’s heart is like a conquest. Once she has fallen in love with you she is no better than a trophy hanging on a wall above the fireplace – a fond reminder of a successful kill. The thrill of romance is in the chase – approaching her, breaking the ice, getting her to agree for the first date, wining and dining her, slowly making her fall in love with you – that is the chase. Every time she looks into your eyes she sees the future, she sees what she can become because of you. Promises are made, which in the heat of the moment come from the bottom of your heart. You leave no stone unturned in winning her. You make her feel special. Each meeting is an improvement on the previous one. Finally the relationship becomes a series of dates – fantastic but meaningless. Were you just trying to tame a wild beast, trying to prove to yourself that you still got it? You wonder.

The realization slowly sinks in. You don’t love her, never did. You loved what she represented – a big fat kill – a challenge that you accepted and won. You call her. Tell her ‘We have to talk’. You make excuses.

It’s not you, it’s me.
I have fallen out of love.
You deserve someone better.

Your mind is concocting stories, coming up with lies faster than you can think. She just sits there dumbfounded, hardly able to believe what she’s listening. You walk away, leaving her behind in tears. You are oddly relieved, even a little happy. You justify your every action to yourself. It was for the best, you say. But guilt slowly creeps its way into your heart. You need a break. You cut yourself from the rest of the world, immerse yourself completely in work. A month goes by. Your conscience is now clear.

You are out partying with your friends. You spot someone dancing. You like what you see. Her every move is irresistible. Your eyes regain that lost spark. Your friends catch you eying her. They spur you on – go for it dude! They make jibes – she’s out of your league! ‘Want to make a small wager out of it’ you tell your friends.

You walk over to her table. Make a witty remark about the music. She and her friends laugh. You ask her for a dance then make fun of your own dancing abilities. You stumble. She laughs. She helps you out with a few moves. You are a fast learner. Now you show her a couple of your moves. She is amazed. She claps. ‘You tricked me, you are a great dancer.’ You laugh your easy laugh, the one which makes everyone around you comfortable. The two of you keep dancing – your bodies getting closer with every passing minute.

You bring her back to your table. Introduce her to your friends. They salute you – their way of accepting defeat. Her friends also join your group. Everyone seems happy, smiles all around. You are the master of your domain. You are the focus of everyone’s attention. She notices it. She has a twinkle in her eyes. She looks at her friends. Nods, smiles, pinches, winks all indicate –

We love him!
He’s a catch.

She takes your hand in hers. You look at the hands and then you look into her eyes. Both of you smile. When no one is looking you steal a kiss. She is shocked, but feels an exhilaration she has never felt before. She clasps your hand tighter.

You look up. A new group of girls is entering the pub. They look familiar. You knew them once, used to hang out with them. It dawns on you. It’s her. The fat one enters first, followed by the talkative one being badgered by the smartass and then her.

Did someone turn the music off? There is silence everywhere. You look around. Everyone’s lips are moving. You can see a flurry of activity around you – the pitcher of beer falling on the neighbouring table, the waiters running towards it, the girl next to you talking to her friend, her hand still wrapped in yours. But you can’t hear a word. The silence around you is deafening. ‘What is wrong with me?’

You snap out of it. All your senses come back. You excuse yourself – make a joke about going to the little boys’ room. They all laugh. Why do they always laugh at that one? You wonder. You walk out. You see her and her friends being escorted to a table on the other side of the room. They haven’t noticed you.

She is smiling. But it looks forced. She hasn’t been out in a while. Her friends are trying to cheer her up. She is still not over you. She is still not over you? You walk out of the pub, head towards the men’s room and splash some water on your face.

You know what has to be done. You walk out, enter the elevator and push the button for the terrace. There are people all around you. They are dancing to some loud music. You walk over to the parapet wall and sit on it with your feet dangling outwards. You feel the wind in your face. You breathe in. You apologize – apologize for every heart you have ever broken. You close your eyes. You are calm. And then it happens.

Actually a number of things happen simultaneously – 37 to be precise. That particular spot on the parapet wall is actually a worm-hole, a gateway (more like a back door entry) to the rest of the universes. Oh yes! And there are 37 of them. You fall into all these 37 universes at the same time. But the outcome is different in all the cases. Here are some of them:

– You decide to jump. You are smashed to a pulp after falling twelve floors.

– You decide not to jump. As you are about to get off the wall some idiot bumps into you and you are smashed to a pulp after falling twelve floors.

– You walk back to the pub and apologize to the first girl. Then you go back to your table and live happily ever after with the second girl who loves holding your hand.

– You finally come out of the closet.

So what happens to you?

Note :
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Now I assume, Ms AM, you understood the reference(on instagram) why despite having a good start, things didn’t worked out as expected that day for us.

I , Me and Myself

Okay, the title of this blog post is amusing enough to get your attraction. If it isn’t, then please fuck off. As it isn’t for you. This is very close to me that’s why I am not going to share it on my social media and will give it to only those who I think deserves to read this.

It is a short memoir ; so it is going to full of rants (my favourite pass time activity) and loathing (to myself and to the world). Don’t read it if you can’t digest the truth (from my eyes). Language is going to be rough as I speak that day in day out.

Let’s begin the showdown. It is going to be in the form of an Interview . I love giving interviews , it doesn’t matter what type of interview would that be. For me when you meet someone for the first time, it is an interview as you both are trying to dig up the facts so that you can judge each other to decide on the Right Swipe or the Left Swipe (Tinder reference,bitch). And it is me interviewing myself.

Question : Why I decided to write one knowing that I am no one in the crowd and I hadn’t done anything significant till now?
Answer : We are living in a world where there are no real good models and whoever is there, they have no interest in helping you to get your shit together and with the rise of internet penetration , we have torrents. And what do we do with that? We go to IMDb and Rotten Tomatoes and search for the highest rated shows and then we see them. Why do we do that? Because they all have “alpha” males who are working on the blurry line between white and black to build their life. We have

Walter White , Harvey Specter , Bobby Axelrod , Hannibal Lecter and Dexter Morgan

(there are many, but these are on my mind right now).What do they have in common? They all built their lives themselves from the ashes.And we want to be them and that’s why an interrogation is needed to decide whether we are worthy of becoming something like them or not and this will be sort of that thing.

Question : Background ?
Answer : I have a family who built their life themselves without taking any shit from what other people think about them. First I will talk about my mother.It all started when my great grandfather came to Jamshedpur to start a life with his family in 1936. He started working at Tata Steel. He had 2 sons and 4 daughters. His eldest son is my grandfather , so we will focus on him only. His wife died when his childrens were quite young. My grandfather was in Class 10 then and his siblings were very young. He was a very bright student, yet he decided to join Tata Steel in 1957 to support the family with his father. He joined as an Artisan Trainee and retired as Manager – Quality Assurance in 1998. In between that he completed his engineering in mechanical engineering by studying in the evening classes provided by Tata Steel in 8 years. In his batch they started with 50 students but only 8 students completed . He was studying along with his full-time day job with ensuring that his children and siblings get the proper education. And he succeeded in it. My mother has 2 PostGraduate degrees and my uncles are well established in their areas of work. Now about my father, he was very young when his parents died. He was 2 when his mother passed away and 16 when his father passed away. His uncle took him under his tutelage and made sure he and his sisters get the proper education. My father had almost spent his entire student life in hostels studying and giving tutions for the education fees , all that by himself. He also has a PG degree. And my father and mother got married in 1987 and then came me and my sister and they all made sure that we both get proper education and all the things which will enable us to fight the world to claim what is ours. So they built their empires themselves and me and my sister are making ours now.

Question : Education ?
Answer : An average student all my life but with a great intuition and eye for detail in the smallest of things. That made me good in Maths and all that required Skill and Creativity. Learnt drawing for few years(4 years to be exact) but the problem came when I can’t create anything by my own but became extremely good in understanding other’s work and present it in a way which the creator wouldn’t have thought. I was good with colors and right now that helps me in figuring out the filters when posting images (Instagram reference). On the school side , I was doing what I caught my attention and then come my engineering years. Those 4 years were a complete turmoil for me. And they changed me for the bad. If given another chance, I will never visit that place again, it is never in my good thoughts. I lost more there than I recieved from there.

Question : Upbringing ?
Answer : Pretty awesome. I had my fair share of the all the activities which one should have. I became a sociopath as the environment in which I was growing up had no one of my age. Either they were much older than me or they were much younger and I adjusted to that. It was a Mafia feeling. But that thing made me a disabled person when dealing with persons of my age. It affected me in the college. I had all my friends who were senior to me and that’s why I don’t have a single meaningful relationship with my batchmates, it is just “Hi-Bye”.

Question : Friends ? Girlfriends ?
Answer : I don’t know. I don’t have time for other’s bullshit. There are few but we all are busy in our lifes , I think. But we all know we are there for each other when we need each other. I had quiet a few girlfriends but nothing worked out as our thinking didn’t matched with each other. In some cases I was more progressive and in some cases she was more. Hoping to meet someone who is on the same page with me. Fingers crossed though.

Question : What was the main reason for the breakups?
Answer : I did somethings of which I am not proud of but I think that was the correct things to do at that time. And I am not a strong believer of marriages. So I think breakup was already on the cards in the beginning of those relationships.

Question : Class ?
Answer : Yes, for me class is important. But it is a very objective viewpoint. People say that the clothes I wear shows my class which is nothing but I feel pity for them. They think wearing brands makes them classy but it isn’t class and “class” is something else. For me it is : wearing clean cloths , presentable looks and “a beautiful mind”. Because the looks are going to fade away with age. George Clooney and Nicole Kidman are only ones last time I checked who still are awesome as they were at the start of their careers . But with “a beautiful mind” you can always be graceful and most important you know what is important and what needs your attention. Because we are living in a world where we have access to all the information and we are in need of a filter to get the relevant ones and that filter comes from your education or my grandfather calls it “common sense” , which is not at all common now a days.

Question : Role models?
Answer : Quite a few. I don’t want to name them. But we all are pretty close at the time of need.

Question : Career?
Answers : I always thought that we were destined for greater things. I see my friends around me and I see so much talent. But all seems to be going to waste. Not that we don’t have time or resources for doing other things(artistic or intellectual). But the moment I try doing something new, something out of the ordinary I start thinking about its use to my future. I have started looking at all things through this screen of materialistic instincts. I miss the time when I could do something just for the heck of it. Now everything has to be a part of this larger master-plan. All this makes me think — Where did I go wrong? Maybe these issues will sort themselves out.

Question : God?
Answers : I don’t believe in it as I never found any help when it was needed. But I am trying to believe in the Angel therapy. It is a matter of time before I fully believe in one.

Question : Strength?
Answer : Compulsive obsession to get the things done. And learn things as quickly as possible. Thinking on the feet.

Question : Weakness?
Answer : I analyze things too much. On the work side it is a boon but on the personal side it is bane.

Question : Are you ambitious?
Answer :
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Question : You want me to ask more?
Answer : Fuck you. I am done.

Rant(s)…

Yes, Rants.

I do enjoy ranting about everything I find “rant-able”.

What is actually “ranting” ?
It is a long, angry and impassioned speech. (as per dictionary, Google it if you want)

It is generally religiously practiced by the old generation about the work, ideologies and beliefs of our current generation.

Don’t believe me? Go and talk to anyone above 55 years of age and sooner and later they will start it. As I was writing the above line, I just figured out a new definition of the word “ranting”.

Ranting is a long and angry speech which is very hateful in its origin but is presented in an intelligent sarcastic way. And it is not generalised, as not all elder people do it. Only those do it who has failed to achieve something and is generally jealous of some one younger who is showing some promise that he/she will achieve their goals.

Okay, now let’s begin ranting. But there are too many things I rant about day in and day out. And now that I have decided to rant about them in the blog to make it my legacy, I no longer remember them. I think the reason would be the movies I saw today. The movies were :
1. Ek paheli leela
2. The big lebowski
3. What women want

I know you are judging me because of the first mentioned film. But I had nothing to do and my pg owner chose the cheapest channel plan available and that left me with lots of hindi channels and South Indian channels and now a days Hindi channels are hell bent on only showing South Indian movies dubbed in Hindi. So I decided to watch it because I kinda liked it’s songs. And the last part of the movie, the climax amazed me. It was not what I expected and I like everything that I can’t expect.

Then The Jeff Bridges redefined the definition of the word Dude in the cult classic The Big Lebowski. How I missed this piece of ultimate class and pop culture? I really need to re-evaluate the people with whom I spend my time, they aren’t adding anything new and are taking me back to the Stone age. I am more than interested in learning about Pop Culture now than ever and hoping that it will be of some use in the future. Right now it is pitch black from where I am standing and trying to peek into it.

What women want. No body in the world knows. I have met some really smart women in my life and what really made us part our way was our understanding(misunderstanding) of each other. Mel Gibson cracked that code and exploited it wonderfully in the movie. God, can I have that power also? Not for forever but for 1 hr daily for the rest of my life. That would be fine because that thing for 24 hrs, daily can really make things worse because  it is a real life not reel.

I ranted a little bit above. But it is not structured, it is random ; though I like randomness in real life but in work, I prefer to be structured.

The list of items on which I am going to rant about :
1. Comic book wannabe experts.
2. Wannabe technology experts.
3. Wannabe cool dudes.

1. Comic book wannabe experts.
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Now a days, it seems like the storytellers in the Hollywood had run out of stories and they are just making lots of movies inspired from the fabled comics all thanks to the foresightedness of Tim Burton and Christopher Nolan who showed us what comic book movies should be. Disney/Marvel are just churning out movies like Rohit Shetty and they are doing a great job in making money but they are still far away from great content. And the people now a days, hadn’t read a comics in their entire life, don’t know what Manga is, Anime is, but they all saw some movies and started claiming they know everything about it and they are so high in their ignorance that it is quite impossible to bring them some understanding of the legacy of the comic books. Without knowing simple basics of the superheroes and villains, they are just making assumptions. Okay, making assumptions is not bad, but keep it with yourself only. You are not Frank Miller or Neil Gaiman and can never will be because you can’t think. So before you start commenting on what is what and who is who, better start reading some comics.

2. Wannabe Technology experts.
Now a days thanks to YouTube and several unemployed youtubers, you get a lots of bullshit opinions disguised as expert reviews on all technical devices, programming languages and upcoming technologies.
Imagine a high school failure who can’t even solve a simple calculus problem telling you about the Machine Learning.
Imagine a person whose first handheld device in his life was an iPhone and he is telling you about iOS vs Android and the best part is they are telling you in technical terms of which they also didn’t have any idea what it is.

3. Wannabe cool dudes.
Lots are around us. Telling us what to do, how to do, when to do and why to do irrespective of whether they had done that in their life or not. People have advices for almost everything and the way they tell you it almost makes you think, “is it even possible?”. And some are your friends, you can’t even ask them to Shut Up. But it has a solution also, slowly and slowly drift away from them, by doing that you aren’t burning the bridges, you are just going to the other end and you can always come back to meet them.

Now that I am tired of finding new content to add to this. I am adding new sections on my posts from now on. One will be a random cartoon pic which I encountered before pressing the Publish button and the another will be a song/video which I am hearing on Repeat mode in that period of time.

Random Cartoon :
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Video on which I am hooked.