Down the River of Pain

At a meeting the last week at Rude Lounge(Tinder, obviously) I was with this beautiful exotic-looking specimen of the fairer sex. Though I was instantly attracted towards her, something about her appearance revolted me. It took me some time to understand this dichotomy of my reaction towards her appearance. This girl was wearing a diamond nose ring and she had each of her ears pierced in six places. She was wearing beautiful ear rings (12 of them) and was looking very ethnic in her cotton salwar. So modern yet so traditional. I wish we could go longer (atleast as long as I am in Mumbai. Long distances doesn’t work with me unfortunately).

Now I have no problem with people using their bodies as a medium of self-expression through various kinds of body art – tattoos, piercing, etc. In fact I think a tattoo or a piercing at the right place looks extremely sexy. And I thought this particular girl looked very hot because of the piercing. However, I cringed at the thought of her or anybody else inflicting such pain on their bodies. Friends inform me that the process is not at all painful and it’s just like getting injected with a big needle. The process is also very swift because these days they use a device which resembles a nail gun (a shudder just ran down my spine while writing those two words). I remember accompanying a four year old cousin to her first ear piercing some few years back. I also remember her laughing all the way back home and me having an expression of sheer terror on my face. It had taken me a month to get over the barbaric ritual I saw that day. The scene still haunts me sometimes in my dreams (I need a beer or two to calm my nerves).

I am back. Nothing is more haunting than the old memories.

Now I was a chicken when I was a child. As a kid, doctors had to face a lot of  problems  injecting me. I even winced at the sight of a large injection (and oh boy! I got many of those, me being a clumsy dolt as a kid). Even my hair cutting scenes were a lot pain for my parents as soon as I see a scissor I used to cry in a way which would put Karan Johar’s famed character to shame. But things changed with time and then came a time when I used to laugh after getting beaten because I knew I was going to beat that person to pulp later on. And yet I would never have the courage to get a tattoo or a piercing (not that I want one). Something about this whole piercing business smells of masochism. I understand how creating an image for oneself (through the clothes we wear, brands we sport, etc.) is so important these days when the first impression means everything (I would have never called the girl exotic, sexy or hot sans her piercing) and yet how far are we ready to go with this. It has to be a certain pleasure we derive from inflicting pain on ourselves which warrants such extreme (think nail gun) measures.

Personally, I am big fan of pain. Pain can do a lot of good. Its power to inspire is unmatched, and till my search for a muse remains fruitless, pain remains the acting-muse. Not that I have to go looking for someone to pain me, but there have been instances when under the effect of Bacchus’ greatest gift to mankind I have asked a few inspiring pugilists to land the real McCoy bang on my face. One chap actually obliged me and I was left with a cut an inch long inside my mouth which made eating anything impossible for the next one week. I will always remember that chap because it turned out to be a very fruitful week in which I wrote feverishly. But never would I condone the act of piercing.

Remembering the advice a friend gave a few years back –

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on
Don’t let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. now it’s time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on

’cause everybody hurts. take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. don’t throw your hand. oh, no. don’t throw your hand
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not alone.

Random Videos :

 

 

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TINDER : A tryst about LEGACY

This came soon , right?

Just within 1 week of the last post, a new one is here. I even surprised myself this time. This wasn’t planned, it is circumstantial.

So as you guys already know that I left my job and I am studying Machine Learning in Mumbai. 6 months Post Graduate Specialization Program. And in a 6 months program, you don’t get weekends and holidays (even on National Holidays,if any class is planned). Actual plan was of Virtual Reality as it seemed the next logical step for a UX Designer but fate had different plans and I ended up in the Machine Learning. For the first time, having an engineering degree is useful as Computer Science Graduates usually have these subjects on face value basis(not in depth , just the introduction). So after 9  days of continuous class , I was getting frustated as the last post was already posted and I didn’t had anything to distract me from studies. So I installed Tinder and ended up doing lots of “right swipe” . Sometimes I believe in my luck and do Tinder as there is a very nice study about Tinder . Have a look on it , here.

Tinder Experiments

It states that “the bottom 80% of men (in terms of attractiveness) are competing for the bottom 22% of women and the top 78% of women are competing for the top 20% of men.” And I am definitely not in the top 20% of the men. If given some thought I might be in bottom 20%.

But luck had helped me a lot in Bengaluru, so I tried it here and I got few “right swipes” in return and we ended up chatting and it resulted in few F2F meeting. Except for the 1, rest was typical scene : Girl meet Boy, they talk about their lives and hobbies while mentally scrutinizing each other and leave for the best of each other. But this one girl was different and we met and ended up chatting for more than 3 hours. Guess psychology students have more understandings of the worlds among us. She had a unique perspective on every thing and the best thing , she is comfortable with the fact that the world is full of idiots. She is sort of modern day Athena. I right-swiped her because of a lot of similarity to an old friend AS. Little did I knew that mentally she would be at the different level than most of us. I had never seen a girl so cute yet fierce in specs.  During our chats , in the “hi – hello” phase I shared my blog with her and she figured out most of my writing is about my issues with my legacy and we discussed about what legacy is and why I am obsessed with it and she even sent a short but deep post about it to me. Have a look on it.

It’s ok to not have a legacy.

I don’t know whether these opposing ideas are true or not but one thing is for sure , “legacy thing” is always a “+1” with me ,everywhere. And if I stopped carrying it with me, then I can be little more present in the moment. It will not be easy at first but with time , I can get rid of this emotional baggage.

Let’s see what lies ahead.

In other news, I liked a movie and that movie bombed at the Box Office. I liked the first part  but bollywood being bollywood needed to add typical bollywood masala in it.

Videos :

 

9490 days of me

Ah!

Even writing the title of this post made me feel a little old. Coming 13th , I will be 26 and that means I will have spent 9490  days on earth. It is always disheartening to think about the time ,you have spent some X years on earth ; living , eating, breathing , walking ,every single day on earth and yet have achieved nothing something substantial. Yes, it may sound naive or some may call it stupid that I am neglecting the small joys of life because there are few people who didn’t have that also. They are important but as per Maslow’s triangle , psychological needs are the starting steps and my psychological need since childhood was to create a worth-while and long lasting legacy – something that will survive me for generations to come. There is a complete post on this by me. Have a look on it.

Dreams and Legacy

Maslows’ hierarchy of need :

Maslows-hierarchy-of-needs

Last year’s birthday was fun. ( See Dengue-fied!  ) .

This year I don’t know. I will be in middle of my examinations . This is my legacy since childhood , on my birthday either I was giving exams or collecting my results. On the lines of it, I will be in my exams this year too.I don’t know what I am going to do in the exam but something shall be done and will be done. Okay, I got drifted away from what made me write this post in the first place. It is about lessons, learned both hard way and soft way. I am not going to distinguish among them . Lessons are lessons.

Lessons.

Lesson 1: Thank you(s) should be loud and Fuck you(s) should be silent.

Lesson 2: The world doesn’t owe you anything.

Lesson 3: It is always better to let things develop themselves and not to disturb their growth/progress as most of the time, you can end up making them worse.

Lesson 4: Don’t make plans. Just keep on improvising things as they come up.

Lesson 5: It is always a good thing to have values as people surrounding you can be a bit ass and have different values and most of the times , others’ lenses won’t work on you.

Lesson 6: Be humble 95% of the time . For rest 5%, be an arrogant prick if you have to be because if you let down your ideas for once, then your ideas will start tumbling down after that one by one. I may be wrong if I say that your ideas are always right, your ideas are your theories and it is completely upto you to test it in the world. It is upto you on how you will set up the experiment.

Lesson 7: You need to learn to stand tall and alone. Just learn it.

Lesson 8: It is okay to fail but to just failing for the sake of failing is not good. Ever.

Lesson 9: Don’t turn small quarrels into big fights. Differences in ideas are allowed . Everyone sees the world differently.

Lesson 10: Don’t end anything and if it is the only thing required , try to end it at a good note. You don’t know when you had to open that book again.

Lesson 11: Smile. Try to smile. People takes your thinking face into frowning and everything goes into drain from that.

Lesson 12: Don’t overthink. What is bound to happen will happen and what has happened , has happened for the good.

Lesson 13: There is always a next time.

Lesson 14: Forgive that bitch. It’s been 3 years.

Lesson 15: Lose it. You are better without it .

Lesson 16: Don’t give up on your ideals. They will be there when you would need them.

Lesson 17: Get involved in the community. Enough of being a loner.

Lesson 18: If you have something to do with Creative industry, you will do it. Just focus on the engineering and maths stuff for now. And don’t you ever stop writing.

Lesson 19: Continuation of last mentioned lesson. Change the objective of your writing and just write on what you believe in.

Lesson 20: It’s harder to be kind than be clever.

Lesson 21: Don’t take things at face value.

Lesson 22: Dogs bark at what they don’t understand.

Lesson 23: Cherish Scars. They had made you what you are today.

Anyway Happy Birthday to me(in advance ofcourse). Hope I get to write for long as I can.

Privilege : Upbringing and Networking

Capture_1.PNG

I’m a hugely privileged individual. If you’re reading this, my bet is that you are too.

I was born into a family that could afford most of the material comforts in life. I had a very happy childhood, grew up in some nice neighbourhoods. I’ve lived a big chunk of my life in some great cities and worked and met with some brilliant people who’ve influenced me more than I could ever thank them for.

I’m male. I’m straight. I’m reasonably healthy and don’t suffer from any mental problems (if you don’t count insomnia and over-thinking as a disease). I have more friends than I can keep up with and more opportunities to succeed at anything I do than I would ever care to admit. I tick all the right boxes. Almost all of the privileges and advantages that society can bestow on someone have been bestowed on me.

Many more privileges, I’ve realised, than most people want to acknowledge.

I grew up in a family where I was encouraged to read lots and lots of books, to learn and to question(one of the perks of having parents who are teachers). Because of the environment I was brought up in, I grew up to be a confident man with a high sense of self-worth and with the firm belief that my destiny lay in my very own hands.

I was given a lot of freedom to try out different things, meet interesting people, showered with love and instilled with confidence. Later, through the course of life, I happened to luck out and meet people who filled me with the sense that pretty much anything in the world is possible. I’ve had experiences and become friends with people who have opened me up to new ideas and exposed me to possibilities that I once could only have dreamed of.

Growing up in a loving family, in a decent neighbourhood with access and exposure to most things pretty early on in life adds a huge layer of hidden advantage than the more tangible one wealth provides. These things are important, and they matter much much more than what people seem to be willing to see. The safety net that your connections and your family provides makes life so much easier. They open doors for you most others may not even know exist.

And yet somehow, especially in the tech industry that I was part of and will be part of again soon, we seem to deliberately forget how privileged we really are, and seem to believe that we’re exactly the opposite.

We convince each other that we’ve made huge successes of our lives through sheer talent and intelligence and anyone else who hasn’t, has failed because they don’t ‘get’ it as we do, they’re not as smart as us and are just plain lazy or bad at math.

I understand where some of it comes from. Intelligence does play a good part in this — but I suspect that part is vastly overrated. I know that I’m reasonably intelligent by any kind of standards anyone uses — but I’ve also realised that just intelligence hasn’t been the most important thing why most things in life have worked out for me so far.

More than anything else, it’s because the world is rigged in my favour. People like me are ‘meant’ to succeed. That’s just the way society is designed.

In hindsight, I entered the tech industry by sheer luck and coincidence. Initially I was fixated on Mechanical Engineering at first , then on Electrical Engineering and finally ended up in Computer Science and Engineering. Then I fell in love with English and games. What happened then was a lot of Game Design and Writing (as a freelancer). Then suddenly I switched to UX and right now I am studying Data Science leaving my job suddenly. Data Science wasn’t planned , VR was planned. In a short period of time, I had worked in more domains and with more tech stacks than most people in their entire career.Coincidence only even made possible because of my privilege.

I worked on some really cool products simply by being in the right place at the right time and because some people were kind enough to give me a chance. I dated some really nice girls and made some amazing friends because I ticked all the right boxes. I’ve had access to some great job opportunities and I get to hang around some brilliant people because they see me as a ‘peer’.

Much like network effects, our privilege is all-encompassing, ever-protective, self-perpetuating yet invisible. So much of the privilege is hidden into the system that you cannot even see it.

That, in the end then is the most important thing to know.

However intelligent and smart you consider yourself to be, you’ll never really know what life is like for other people. You won’t really know their pain and problems, how hard things are for them.

I’ll never really know what it is to be poor. Even if I do — I’ll be poor knowing that I have a family that will always support me, that I’ll never have to worry about a roof over my head or food to eat, and that I have the education, experience and connections that will invariably help me out.

Wealthy people will never know what it’s really like to be poor. Straight men will never know what it’s like to be gay. Men will never really know what it’s like to be a woman. Able-bodied people will never know what it feels like to be differently abled.

There are a few things that we’d do well to remember and remember often: that we are deeply privileged and very lucky.

Do we struggle? Yes, we do.

But perhaps a lot less than those who didn’t hit some kind of cosmic lottery that we did. And when we’re a wee bit more humble, we might just get a little bit better at imagining what it’s like to be someone else. What it is to truly be in someone else’s shoes.

Some of life’s greatest lessons come from comic books and Uncle Ben was right on the money when he said: with great power comes great responsibility.

Do we have power?

Yes.

Maybe not as much as we’d like, but we still have it.

And we have to be better at this.

This is important.

There are people out there who are asking you to listen.

  • Listen to them. Try and understand them. More importantly, believe them. It is possible that you think that the stories you hear are implausible. What’s more likely is that you don’t realise your advantages and it hurts your fragile ego to be told that.
  • Use your abundant imagination and walk a mile in someone’s uncomfortable shoes. It’s not that hard to do.
  • Open up.
  • Confirm and confront your biases as best as you can.
  • Have the humility to recognise that while we can try to imagine what it is like for the others, we’ll never really know.
  • Remember your position of privilege.
  • Know how to not talk like you already have all the answers. To shut up and listen.
  • Most importantly, be kind to everyone that you encounter.

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Now some songs on which I am tripping now a days.

 

 

Demonic Voices

Ah!!! 

So again this happened. I had decided and reminded myself again and again that I have to write twice a month and if in any case I can’t, at least one post should be out. But life took a bizarre turn (again) and I didn’t respected my decision of writing also. It is very common for me to not respect others whenever there is a clash of ideologies between us. I am not proud of it and also not ashamed of it. 

Life took a bizarre turn and all my plans went to the drain(again) and I have to make some new plans as per the new context. And my closed ones will get to know about it soon.


Someone rightly said, Life has its own way of finding its way.


So after stepping out of the cocoon and some experiences(good and bad), I have come to this understanding of life and how to live in it.


There is a trap that we fall into as to what possibilities in life could have emerged if I had done some things a certain way. But I think it’s always a wise approach to take life as it comes through and always optimising for the process that you follow rather than the goal you set out to be.


I have lots to write but don’t want to write them. 


Somethings are better left unsaid.


I had read this poem somewhere sometime back and I don’t remember the exact lines but I do remember the context of it and right now I am feeling the same, so I tried to reproduce it and let me know how is it.



Demonic Voices


The voices in my head just told me –
You are never coming back

We spent some good times together
You and me, me and you.

But the voices drove you crazy
And so you went far away.

Far away into the void of nothingness
Where your own imagination

Does not revolt and bite you in the ass.
Where the phantoms of your dead neurons

Don’t trouble you in the middle of night
While you are fighting the minions

Of the ancient gods of Valhalla.
Damn! Damn these voices.

I should have drowned them long back
In a small puddle of creative fungus

Which is now so cheaply available,
In large cans made of tin at the mart.

I should have gone away with you
And left this comfortable numbness behind.

No one would have wept
I assure you, except a few

They would have written an obituary,
Not for me, but for those wretched voices.

You were the only one, who knew me,
Who had peeled all the lairs and found me

Buried deep within myself. My own voice
Muffled by those who wanted to reign supreme.

You were the only one who heard me and my voices.
But you have now gone far away,

I remember everything about you
But will never see you awake.

Only in the land of dreams
Did you appear before me.

I remember your every curve
But I know you are not coming back

The voices drove you away
They wanted me for themselves.

They have won,
And we have lost.


Videos :


The Times They Are A-Changin

I don’t remember where and when I heard this song for the first time but the tune and the words got stuck in my mind. At that time, I didn’t knew it was Bob Dylan’s. Later on in college, I discovered it and since then I became a fan of him.

No, this post is not about that song. It is just the title. And the title needs to be clear. The song is used as a metaphor to depict the changes which are going on around me, which I am going to tell you in the coming paragraphs.

It’s been a while and by while I mean about last 3 months. Things were tough. Lots of things were happening at the office and I was at my wit’s end to comprehend what was happening and in that moment, lots of things were taking place simultaneously and it was just impossible for me to keep a tab on all of it. But those times hopefully have ended and I resigned from Cognizant few weeks back. There were two options in front of me then. I was in final stages of my company change and simultaneously was in the process of getting admitted in a post graduate program. It isn’t a two year or one year program but a 6 month program and it is a joint venture between a popular game engine company and a renowned MBA college. I applied there and after 2-3 rounds of interviews and tests, I was waiting for the results. And the results came back positive. And now there is 80% chance that I am going to join the program as I wanted a substantial background to enter a game/ design studio and the folks at home wanted me to go for further study. So this is a good option for me and my folks. Everyone will be happy. And who knows, after this, I may actually go for a full time program. But who knows, what lies on the other end of the road. This abrupt decision has one big implication : I was planning to get myself a normal and decent second hand 150cc bike this year and next year, a Triumph Street Triple. I am in love with this bike and this is the only bike which I hadn’t crashed till now. That’s a nice thing because I am very good at crashing things especially bikes.


Triumph Street Triple


I don’t have much to write this time. Because nothing exciting happened which can be put down to words. There were lots of running here and there, office work load was at it’s peak and at the same time I was interviewing at startups and product companies. I planned to change the direction of my career this January only and I realized apart from good bonuses and good times, I wasn’t going anywhere in my career. When you have are over 35, you may want to settle down a bit and take things lightly but when you have just started working and if you have some support, then you can take some risks and you must take it. Because if the chicken will not cross the road, the chicken will never know what lies on that side of the road. And the other side of the road for me is a startup or a product company. I wished to join a fast pace work environment where I believe I would be trusted to try out my ideas on User Experience. By the way, I suck at Visual Design because I just don’t get (understand) colors like my peers. And that thing could only happen at startups and product companies. For that thing to happen in a service company, you really need a lot of good lucks on your side. And on the other hand, it is very difficult to teach people that Visual Design is just a small part of UX Design. Okay, last line was little bit out of the context.


Visual Design is a part of User Experience Design.

UI is not same as UX.


The last two lines are also out of the context.


So, I spent 2.8 years at Cognizant and this being my first company wasn’t what I expected my first job to be but still first time is always invaluable in one’s life. Generally it happens that you are hired for one particular role and you end up doing that only but with me, things got crazy than usual and I ended up working on different technologies in different domains and with every new assignment there was a complete unknown terrain for me to learn, fail and succeed. Sometimes, it got very frustrating but sometimes those experiences came in handy to tackle various situations.


There were good times and bad times. There were lots of good people and horrible people. But the thing that worked out in my favor was whoever person I met and worked taught me a lots of lessons. So you can say that a lot of people mentored me on life. Some in a good way and some in a bad way.

Now a new journey is about to start and let’s see where life will take me. The details be on the Facebook and Twitter at the right time from the right place.


So, at last I will share few of my favorite Bob Dylan songs. 


https://youtu.be/PYF8Y47qZQY

The way of life. 

Okay, this is definitely a new thing which is I am going to try out with this post. Thanks Siddhant for your advice to share how I see the world with my perspective.

Last week, I got some time off and I decided to catch up on my old friends and we made a plan for bacchanalian revelries. That’s how we bonded, we shared love for beers and abstract conversations. 

So what happened there? 

He asked had you lost some weight? I replied life sucks and is mess on all 7 days. Office and classes are in full throttleHe : What classes are you doing? Me : User Experience DesignI showed him some of my assignments and he was like ” Do you really have to attend a class to learn all these things?” Me : I know things but I don’t know it’s origination point and Companies do prefer Certificates and Degrees though they claim to be out looking for people with right attitude and passion. 

We both knew this is the harsh reality and we can’t ignore it and we aren’t in a position to do anything about it but hopefully one day, we will be and we will do the right thing. 

As we were meeting after 2 months, we had lots of things to talk about. Then we started talking about my last post and we discussed how people confuse their personal life and social life with each other. I wanted to write about a different thing here this time but this itself is a cool concept and I would like to talk about it and as it is a very short thing so it can’t be a full blown post. But it is very fundamental. 

People have two lives. Personal life and Professional life

Personal life is again divided into two :Private life and Social life

Professional life is again divided into two :Friends and colleagues. 

Some people are lucky and they have same people for all those 4 sectors but they are rare. I only know two such people.

But what about the majority?
We fail badly in balancing them out and end up being depressed. So balancing them is the key for a better life.
But how?

It’s all about peoples,  time management and getting your priorities straight. It’s all about setting boundaries between all those 4 sectors or you life will be messed up.

Just imagine these 2 situations :

  • Your private life is now your social life and all your private things are out in the public.
  • You told something to your colleagues instead of your friends and they do what they are best at : backstabbing.

Both of these 2 situations can lead to a lot of troubles. But there can be lots of permutations and combinations for scenarios among above mentioned 4 sectors on how you can fuck up your life if the right boundaries aren’t there.
It is a great topic to be discussed and maybe in the future, there might be a post about it too. Let’s just keep our fingers crossed.

Now back to the topic.

Some disclaimers :

  • It might be not true for all but this is what I have observed in me and my friends in the time we have shared with each other.
    For A+ colleges, I didn’t went there so I don’t know about them. But their life post college is just as same as ours.
  • And it is not about those also who spent their 4 years in library and in their rooms without even trying out different things.

Now again the real thing.
You might have guessed I am going to talk about the life of an engineer. If don’t, don’t worry, it’s not a bible or a doctrine on life.
Sometime back, I got mid life crisis (again) and decided to take a break to figure out things. And I decided I don’t want to be in engineering any more. I have been doing programming since 2006. Got my first PC back in 2005 and soon I was churning out codes in Basic, Html and Css. I was expert in commercializing my skills. So I started doing school projects of my classmates. To learn to type fast, I even typed out the entire book because I didn’t wanted to return the books back to the library. Then changed school and learnt Javascript, C, C++ and advanced Html. Same thing again, I was doing projects for my classmates and making money out of it and having fun figuring out pointers, memory heaps and interactive websites (with not so cool design but extremely optimized backends). Then engineering happened. C, C++, Java, Javascript (Basic + Advanced) , Bootstrap, php and Android. Then got fascinated by the games and started making simple games and did something (5-6) freelancing projects (can’t talk about it, NDA). So the most logical choice was to make games for my final year projects and made 4 games with Javascript frameworks. Initially thought of making it with Unity / Unreal but was lazy so ended up using Javascript frameworks.
And then cognizant happened, learnt Analytics and Performance Engineering. Never worked on Analytics myself but the time I spent at Siddhant’s ODC, I can most probably do that work with little help in the beginning. Did fairly good on Performance side with different protocols (Http/Https, Siebel, Truclient and learning more day by day).

Now let’s see my friends.

1. Ankit is a certified CCNA and he did that on his time. First in our group to go onsite. Way to go bro.

2. Siddhant was one of the best Electrical Engineering students of our college and now he is nailing it in the Analytics. If working for Chelsea isn’t cool, then I don’t know what is ?

3. Keshav was a gifted Product Manager. Despite having a great mind, he was lazy ( i think we all are lazy), he got high grades and churned out great quality codes at last minute and now he is a great Advanced Java developer working in a cool startup. Just waiting for his “khela” as he goes up in the chain and his “khelas” are one of a kind.

4. Deepak is a great singer and along with  singing he had enough enough time to kick asses of two departments : Computer Science and Electrical and Electronics Engineering.

And then there are people in my User Experience Class always cribbing about notes, not having enough times to complete assignments and so on. They all are great in different things like visual appreciation, sketching, thinking in terms of artistic value and then I am there with my engineering mind influxed with business acumen who weighs his ideas on numbers and engineering feasibllity. It’s a good thing that UX is a vast domain and can accommodate different peoples too. This made me noticed how engineering had made and changed me and my friends in a better way.
Other than few,  not all of them had dreams of becoming engineers.

Keshav had army dreams, Siddhant still dreams of joining Airforce and I dream of becoming a writer. But we all did fairly well in our engineering days and we still are and we will, hopefully in the future as engineering taught us something about life which I didn’t found and noticed in other people who went to other colleges (non engineering colleges). Let me make one thing clear I am not demeaning other colleges but there are somethings which you can only learn in an engineering college. Those things can be learned in other colleges but level of learning is very different. It is just like a player of Call of Duty and Crysis can beat the shit out of the players of Halo and Mass Effect without even blinking their eyes.

1.We are lazy.

2.We are sleep deprived.

3.We are flexible and have and make time(if required) for almost everything.

4.People believes engineers are right brained number and process churning people but man, you don’t even have the slightest idea about how creative and ideative, we can be in the times and situations which can make you wet your pants.

5.We rarely fail in the death race against time and man, we are at our 200% when the deadlines arrive. This happens only when we really care about it or else you can’t even make us to do it ,forget about starting it even.

6.We had studied systems and we had developed a keen sense of observing and can map out anything mathematically in an abstract sense to find a way through it.

7. Large numbers of courses had made us habituated of living in a world of questions and what if situational riddles. We are in love with 5 Ws ( What, When, Why, Which and Who). We loves puzzles and riddles and everything which requires some mental exercise.

8. We know how to use procrastination to our advantage.

9. Our 4 years of engineering was basically a full blown out crash course on how bad the things can go and how to survive it.
So I don’t know how will my career shift happen and will it even happen or not but one thing is clear, I will always be an engineer, no matter in which profession I will be.
Our parents had different reasons to send us to engineering but I will have a different reason and that will be that nothing can prepare you for the world other than 4 years of hostel life at engineering.
So here is to all the engineers (ofcourse not the dumb ones).

Videos for this post :

R-rated Rant !!!


Hi !

This is an R-rated post so enter at your own risk.

A one month gap between posts. Well this is what happens when you mess up with a cry baby sort of middle-aged executive. I am not going into that story, but will give you the context and insight which I learnt from it.

All jobs are good and very few people have the guts to reset their life once in a while. You may be in a job which you like but other’s don’t. It is completely fine and ok. One thing I learned from this “ koi bhi job karo, tumse kuch ukhadne wala toh hai nahin, par kam se kam aadmi ke paas apne choices ko defend karne ke liye toh kuch hona chahiye ! “. Now you can guess the context of that mess up, if you don’t, please go and watch pogo.

Life is pretty much a machine now. All days and time are scheduled and I don’t have any options to take some time off it. It’s just that I made a choice and I have to give it a try. If everything fails, I will do what other respected people in the society do, a MBA.

This writing thing took a backseat because no body cares whether I write or not. I am just writing in vacuum and for me only. I am both the writer and the reader. So that after five years from now, I have something from this time to relish upon and think about. Many people have stories, pictures and moments for that, I don’t have the luxury of all that. I have my posts. Maybe this will be my legacy, a non existential legacy with no value proposition. I am fine with it, actually I learned to accept it and deal with it. No qualms about it, things happen and it will happen whether we like it or not.

So why I decided to write now?
Because I thought getting crashed on MV Agusta F4 RR will help in blowing some of the steam but it didn’t help. I didn’t crash, thank God. On the other hand, I fell in love with it. There has to be something special in that bike that even a person like me who doesn’t know how to ride even a 100cc bike didn’t broke any bones even when he touched 200kmph in Bangalore traffic at peak hour.

So I decided to rant about it. And when you own a domain, you can use it for that, ain’t you?

I am now an sort of option for some. But hey wait, I was always an option for people. That’s not a surprise when I look back at life. I was always an option, not even the primary one in that too.

I don’t have a social life because optional people don’t have it. You call your options when you either need them for something or you don’t have anyone left to socialize with. So optional people don’t have enough avenues or chances for that.

Why I have a non-existent social life? Or why I don’t have friends?

  • I am arrogant as fuck and I will call an asshole, an asshole no matter what and if required on their face too without any second thoughts. That’s how I was raised. And I am proud of it.
  • I am not a people pleasurer person. To be a people person, you need to have your opinions validated by other people so that you can have it. Just imagine, you can have opinion after getting it validated by others.
  • I am not great at anything. I am just an average guy in all spheres of life. And despite being average at everything yourself, you don’t usually hang around with other average joes. People need someone with whom they can feel special and I am not that special creature who can make you feel special.
  • Looks matter. Never seen any good looking person with no friends and zero social life.
  • Doesn’t have much skills and intelligence to do wonders for anyone. So there goes all the things which could have happened in office.
  • I don’t play by other opinion and most of the time, I don’t need much of anyone’s approval to do something which I want to do. So question of bonding with others goes also.
  • I don’t do anything just to be with anyone which I don’t want to do.
  • Most people just gulp down any facts that may be lead to a confrontation but I don’t. I always like to know why you have to lie in the first place. I am fine with liars. Lie but just don’t get caught , will you ?
  • I don’t expect much from people because nobody is what they project themselves onto others.
  • People bond with other people with whom they share certain ideologies and plans and motives and all that comes from the hobbies. I don’t have any so there is nothing with me on which someone can bond with me.

If I continue to write, the list will go on and on. But I am the reader so I know most of things.

And this post is not up for any kind of discussion and if you still want to do, you know where to put those things, ain’t you?

So what now?

Nothing special.

Done with you guys!

And yes, FUCK YOU!

Linear Progression yet Natural

Happy New Year guys…

 

Hope that this year brings you : new people, new opportunities and new experiences.

You may know how all these things are interconnected but I would like to tell again, bear me on that, please.

Most of the time (doesn’t matter whether you are an introvert, an extrovert or an ambivert) we live in a closed shell of ourselves. We have a created a shell based upon our comfort and bias around us. This shell keeps us safe from the harsh realities of the world. For sometime, it is good for us. Let’s take an example : When you are in middle school and high school , our parents creates it for us to protect us because they know to learn anything completely, you need to be ready. And your parents know when you are ready to take the dive because they have seen the world and they guess the right age for you to go out and take the dive. It is going to be waste : if you learn it early before time or you learn it late after time because you need to have some maturity to learn to walk on the grey side of the complexities of life.  You don’t want your class 1 going child to ask you about sex. If you are an over enthusiastic parent, you may feel your child is on fast track and you are very  proud of his inquisitiveness, but boy, you are going to get a great wall hit on your head in the next 5 years. Get ready for that. Inquisitiveness is good but not before right time.

Okay, so how all the above mentioned three things are connected. They are actually not connected, but they are the natural linear progression of how things work.

 

New people :

When you meet new people, you actually let your comfort and bias wall down to be open to new events. We don’t always have best thoughts so we need new people. They brings new perspectives to our viewpoint of seeing things. We don’t realise it but we are actually the sum total average of our 5 close peoples who influences you. If you want to learn how to meet new people, I can give you the contact details of one friend , he is the best at it.

 

New opportunities :

If you don’t leave your shell, and not meet new peoples, then how are you going to see what is happening around you? Please clarify me on this. Okay, you can tell me you read blogs(don’t stop reading mine or I will find you and beat you to pulp ) and news but bro they aren’t everything. You may know what is happening at the global level but you are operating at the local level and only people around you can tell that because they are there. Bill Gates can only tell you where the trend is going but only at the local level, you can learn how it is going.

Demonization is still a lot of hoo-hallah for last 2 months and will continue to be for the next 2-3 months , but in reality it is a complete failure and Modi is just acting like a child who always wants to be in attention and limelight. Just take the example of his 31st December 2016 address to the people. He could have done it in the morning and whatever he had told in it, that content is more suitable for the budget sessions, not for a new year addressal. He just wanted to be on our minds at the New Year eve. Maybe, we were all wrong about him and he is just a Politician, only keeping tabs on his vote bank. It may be, it may be not. Who knows???

 

Okay, I got deviated. My bad.

When you meet new people, you talk, you converse and you both get to know about each other and there will be somethings in that, which will open up new opportunities for you. And it is completely up to you if you want to take it up or not, no body can force it as one ( I don’t know who) said, ” a man has to go his own way”.

 

New experiences :

Okay, now you have met new people, found out an opportunity to pursue and you start to go down that path, then welcome experience. Every path we go down has only extreme solutions : it will go extremely good or it will go very bad. In either case, you are going to have an experience and a story to tell others. Though not many people shares their stories. Misers. But we doesn’t try to think that our past experiences decides how are we going to react to the similar events in the future. Some people are smart and they start to put up shields in case again the events go in downward spiral but some people are like, who just again take a dive without any caution of what could and would happen. But this approach has a hidden advantage and that is we know the risks but our focus is on to reap rewards. This is quite ambiguous and in depth explanation requires case studies (which is not a blog post meant for).

 

So, here is to a new chapter in our life’s book.

New People, New Opportunities, New Experiences.

 

Adieu 2016! 

Okay, again we are in the month : December.

Time for all the New Year resolutions to be revisited to see how many points decided by us is actually done by us. Some guys will have all the points taken care by them, some will have partial and then some who hadn’t done anything. Those people are my people and we all comprises the group Procrastinators. We are sometimes ran over by the world and sometimes we run over the world. Okay, enough of this shit chat.

I don’t know about your 2016 but I hope it was equally exciting like my 2016. On the hindsight, it was ying-yang year for me.  Lots of good things happened , but I have seen the worst of things too.

Year started on a good note, will end on a good note most probably but in the middle it was a bumpy ride. If you are a regular here, you would know if you don’t, then let me ask you What the fuck are you doing here? Never mind, you and me, we both are incorrigible. Animal instincts, may be.

So now let’s count good things:

  1. Star Wars Rogue One.

  2. Inkaar.

  3. Billions.

  4. Batman v superman ultimate edition.

  5. Suicide Squad.

  6. Sultan.

  7. Fan.

  8. Dear Zindagi.

The bad things :

  1. Batman v superman theatrical cut

  2. Dengue

  3. Leg fracture

Those are the main things, important things which are accounted. There are definitely lots of things which aren’t accounted but exists.

Let’s try to remember them chronologically.

  • Got chance to work with 2 brilliant clients. Met some interesting people there. Some were terrifically brilliant and some, terribly stupid. But it was an experience working with them.
  • Saw some brilliant Series this year. Billions. House MD. Incorporated (ongoing). Bulls (ongoing).
  • Met some wonderful peoples. Made some friends. Made some enemies. This year, new enemies outnumbered new friends. Woah!, this is a bad thing. Hoping that 2017 will bring a different situation.
  • Rekindled some old friendships. Hero and Gillu shifted to Bangalore. Scientist shifted to Hyderabad but is coming back in January ‘17. Selfie switched to Wipro.
  • Khiru is now an Auditor at C&AG. Finally, he found something he will enjoy doing.
  • 1 hair cut in entire year and that too because I got dengue and needed to go to Jamshedpur and folks at home don’t like long hairs. Will try for 2 in 2017.
  • Due to on-off hospital visits, no trips this year.
  • Some pics I took this year of which I am proud of. You can have a quick look at them if you want.

    This slideshow requires JavaScript.

  • One plus one got retired in early August. Today there was news of Cyanogen Inc shutting down.
  • Two friends bought DSLR ‘s and I liked their photography pages on Facebook. One is a brilliant photographer, other I don’t understand what does he wants to do other than attention seeking.

On the blogging side :

25 posts. (Target of posting twice a month achieved.)

1145 visitors. (Last year it was 850)

12000 views.  (Last year it was ~9000)
These figures are disappointing considering the points that not even the people present in my friendlist (both Facebook and Twitter) reads them. Only 2-3 reads them and I know it thanks to WordPress comprehensive stats system. So when your friend circle doesn’t read it, then how it will reach to more people because they have to react to it so that it may reach to more (different) people from their respective friendlists. But they don’t read it and if they are reading it, they need to react on it. I have around 320 people in my Facebook friendlist and only 65 accepted Page-like request.
This year’s biggest lesson :

You need to have a vehicle to gain and maintain friends if you don’t have good looks.

I don’t know how to ride and drive and I am definitely not decent looking. So that explains all.
Fuck you guys! May you all rot in hell.

A pretty insignificant year, I think.

This time, there isn’t a video section, instead there is my Saavn playlist for the year 2016.
http://www.saavn.com/s/playlist/02acb047777c6ee678a77a3e6271f10e/Starred_Songs/ELH-1RQHV4s_?referrer=svn_source=share&svn_medium=com.twitter.android


Atlast , Happy New Year fellas ! 

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