Down the River of Pain

At a meeting the last week at Rude Lounge(Tinder, obviously) I was with this beautiful exotic-looking specimen of the fairer sex. Though I was instantly attracted towards her, something about her appearance revolted me. It took me some time to understand this dichotomy of my reaction towards her appearance. This girl was wearing a diamond nose ring and she had each of her ears pierced in six places. She was wearing beautiful ear rings (12 of them) and was looking very ethnic in her cotton salwar. So modern yet so traditional. I wish we could go longer (atleast as long as I am in Mumbai. Long distances doesn’t work with me unfortunately).

Now I have no problem with people using their bodies as a medium of self-expression through various kinds of body art – tattoos, piercing, etc. In fact I think a tattoo or a piercing at the right place looks extremely sexy. And I thought this particular girl looked very hot because of the piercing. However, I cringed at the thought of her or anybody else inflicting such pain on their bodies. Friends inform me that the process is not at all painful and it’s just like getting injected with a big needle. The process is also very swift because these days they use a device which resembles a nail gun (a shudder just ran down my spine while writing those two words). I remember accompanying a four year old cousin to her first ear piercing some few years back. I also remember her laughing all the way back home and me having an expression of sheer terror on my face. It had taken me a month to get over the barbaric ritual I saw that day. The scene still haunts me sometimes in my dreams (I need a beer or two to calm my nerves).

I am back. Nothing is more haunting than the old memories.

Now I was a chicken when I was a child. As a kid, doctors had to face a lot of  problems  injecting me. I even winced at the sight of a large injection (and oh boy! I got many of those, me being a clumsy dolt as a kid). Even my hair cutting scenes were a lot pain for my parents as soon as I see a scissor I used to cry in a way which would put Karan Johar’s famed character to shame. But things changed with time and then came a time when I used to laugh after getting beaten because I knew I was going to beat that person to pulp later on. And yet I would never have the courage to get a tattoo or a piercing (not that I want one). Something about this whole piercing business smells of masochism. I understand how creating an image for oneself (through the clothes we wear, brands we sport, etc.) is so important these days when the first impression means everything (I would have never called the girl exotic, sexy or hot sans her piercing) and yet how far are we ready to go with this. It has to be a certain pleasure we derive from inflicting pain on ourselves which warrants such extreme (think nail gun) measures.

Personally, I am big fan of pain. Pain can do a lot of good. Its power to inspire is unmatched, and till my search for a muse remains fruitless, pain remains the acting-muse. Not that I have to go looking for someone to pain me, but there have been instances when under the effect of Bacchus’ greatest gift to mankind I have asked a few inspiring pugilists to land the real McCoy bang on my face. One chap actually obliged me and I was left with a cut an inch long inside my mouth which made eating anything impossible for the next one week. I will always remember that chap because it turned out to be a very fruitful week in which I wrote feverishly. But never would I condone the act of piercing.

Remembering the advice a friend gave a few years back –

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on
Don’t let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong. now it’s time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on

’cause everybody hurts. take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. don’t throw your hand. oh, no. don’t throw your hand
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not alone.

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TINDER : A tryst about LEGACY

This came soon , right?

Just within 1 week of the last post, a new one is here. I even surprised myself this time. This wasn’t planned, it is circumstantial.

So as you guys already know that I left my job and I am studying Machine Learning in Mumbai. 6 months Post Graduate Specialization Program. And in a 6 months program, you don’t get weekends and holidays (even on National Holidays,if any class is planned). Actual plan was of Virtual Reality as it seemed the next logical step for a UX Designer but fate had different plans and I ended up in the Machine Learning. For the first time, having an engineering degree is useful as Computer Science Graduates usually have these subjects on face value basis(not in depth , just the introduction). So after 9  days of continuous class , I was getting frustated as the last post was already posted and I didn’t had anything to distract me from studies. So I installed Tinder and ended up doing lots of “right swipe” . Sometimes I believe in my luck and do Tinder as there is a very nice study about Tinder . Have a look on it , here.

Tinder Experiments

It states that “the bottom 80% of men (in terms of attractiveness) are competing for the bottom 22% of women and the top 78% of women are competing for the top 20% of men.” And I am definitely not in the top 20% of the men. If given some thought I might be in bottom 20%.

But luck had helped me a lot in Bengaluru, so I tried it here and I got few “right swipes” in return and we ended up chatting and it resulted in few F2F meeting. Except for the 1, rest was typical scene : Girl meet Boy, they talk about their lives and hobbies while mentally scrutinizing each other and leave for the best of each other. But this one girl was different and we met and ended up chatting for more than 3 hours. Guess psychology students have more understandings of the worlds among us. She had a unique perspective on every thing and the best thing , she is comfortable with the fact that the world is full of idiots. She is sort of modern day Athena. I right-swiped her because of a lot of similarity to an old friend AS. Little did I knew that mentally she would be at the different level than most of us. I had never seen a girl so cute yet fierce in specs.  During our chats , in the “hi – hello” phase I shared my blog with her and she figured out most of my writing is about my issues with my legacy and we discussed about what legacy is and why I am obsessed with it and she even sent a short but deep post about it to me. Have a look on it.

It’s ok to not have a legacy.

I don’t know whether these opposing ideas are true or not but one thing is for sure , “legacy thing” is always a “+1” with me ,everywhere. And if I stopped carrying it with me, then I can be little more present in the moment. It will not be easy at first but with time , I can get rid of this emotional baggage.

Let’s see what lies ahead.

In other news, I liked a movie and that movie bombed at the Box Office. I liked the first part  but bollywood being bollywood needed to add typical bollywood masala in it.

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